God's Heart

The Soup Kitchen

by Pat Montesano

I don’t know why my speech is slurred

Or why I can’t pronounce some words

Can’t hold a job or write my name

Have no interest in money or fame

I just do the best I can.

I know some people laugh at me

They don’t understand what they see

Sometimes they point, sometimes they stare

At my wornout clothes, my shaggy hair

I’m a different kind of man.

But there’s a place, each day at noon

They have for me a shiny spoon

A pretty dish that holds my bread

A bowl of soup so that I’m well fed

Where I’m a happy man.

The kitchen people call me “friend”

They always say to come again

They shake my hand, take time to talk

Don’t mind that I stumble when I walk

They know I’m a lonely man.

The kitchen people welcome me

They don’t make fun of what they see

They don’t care ‘bout how much I know

They don’t even notice my hair or clothes

They think I’m a special man.

With trembling hands and eyesight blurred

The magic of their spoken word

Has helped me through another day

Given me hope, a new prayer to pray

“Help me be a better man.”

I’ve walked many an icy mile

To see those daily noontime smiles

To sip my soup and break my bread

With friends who care and see that I’m fed

Because they understand.

These people know they could be me

We’re all a part of this mystery

They know the power of love for friends

That, as they love me, so do I love them

I’m the kitchen people’s man.

Published March 6 1985 The Catholic Herald

Life, Death, and the wedding song!

This morning I woke up and realized a had just had a dream about my funeral. Morbid I know! But it really wasn’t. I was observing the funeral service and listening to what each person had to say about me. A few good things came from this dream.

One was that somehow in the time from now to the day I die I had found a husband that loved me for the women that I was and had nothing but admiration for me. He spoke about my faith in not only him but in a God that was ultimately in control of everything. He talked about my ability to pray and pray and pray until God answered. He loved that I never gave up and was determined in so many areas of my life.

See these things are all the things that I struggle with now. I struggle to believe that one day I will find a man that loves me and admires me in these ways. I struggle now with believing that God does have a plan and that he is in control. Daily I lift my hands and just trust that as I walk he will guide me into whatever his will is. And as far as my prayer life… most of the time I find that I pray my own selfish prayers and then the spirit helps me see what I should be praying for. My spirit of determination is great when it is used for God’s glory but my human nature is to never give up until I get my way. It is a struggle sometimes to give up my dreams and plans for the dreams and plans of God.

The second person that stood out was my sister. For years we have had this joke that during the funeral of the first sister that dies we were responsible for making sure that people laugh and know that we would have wanted them to enjoy themselves at our funeral. Selfishly I am glad that in my dream Tiff got to share how we came to the conclusion of playing the wedding song at our funeral. J See it was about five years ago during one of our families funerals that I leaned over and basically told her that I remembered Mrs. Schaffer much more happy and joyful than how her funeral was going. Tiff agreed and then I said that I want people to know that I am going to be with Christ as his bride. I in fact wanted them to play the wedding song. Tiff started to laugh and sense we were in the second row everyone looked back at us.

That memory stands out because of two things. One I still remember my sister laugh and realizing that it was okay to be joyful in someone’s death when we know that they are going home to their true husband! The hope and joy that we have because of the resurrection of Christ should be evident in each day that we live why not after our death also. The other thing that stands out is that sometimes people don’t have that hope and joy when they die. The people that attended Mrs. Schaffer’s funeral were not all believers and they couldn’t grasp the fact that she was probably at that moment worshiping and celebrating in the presence of Jesus Christ. All they recognized was the lose of a life that brought joy and hope to their lives. They had mistaken the source of her hope and joy for something that she willed up. Something that she had the strength to conjure up all these years and now that she was died it was a void in their lives.

I wanted Tiff to share that story and that song with those at my funeral because the focus should not be on the fact that I had passed away but rather that I was finally fully alive in Christ. My days were no longer full of struggles and pains but rather I was in place where ever tear was wiped away.

The next couple of people that shared during the funeral were ones that had so many funny stories to tell. Stories of how my life had brought joy to theirs and how they had watched me grow and struggle through things only to see that each time I came out of that situation a strong and more beautiful person.

The last person that shared in my dream before I woke up was  a member of my band… that’s right I had a band! He started by saying this,

“Brandy was such an encourager. She knew her faith and knew how strong her God was. Her live was a testimony of God’s hope, grace, and mercy. Never did I feel like she was judging me for my lack of faith at times but rather she knew the struggles and the battle that we lived each day in. I remember one time she told me a story of the process a butterfly goes through to get its wings. She said that it struggles to fit itself through this tiny little hole and as it pushes and pushes itself out the butterflies wings grow strong and strong so that when they are finally out that cocoon they can soar with the best of them.”

As he began to cry a little he said this, “Brandy knew that her struggles were just a part of her be able to strengthen her wings so she could soar on the wings of the eagles. She saw the eternal impact on each situation that she dealt with in her life and as we reflect on her life I knew that right now she is soaring with wings that are strong and beautiful.”

He then played the first song I ever wrote which happened to be about able the process of a butterfly developing their wings.

That’s my funeral. Those are the things that matter the most in this life. Not the amount of money that I died with, the degrees that I had earned, or even the awards that I had been given. All that matter was how I had learned that it was by grace through faith that I had been given the joy and hope to live each day encouraging and loving others.

 

A look at persecution

I am reading through Act. Each chapter that I read really has made me think about the early church persecution. Chapter after chapter, example after example, of believers being mocked, stoned, and killed by those that were considered keepers of the Roman, or Jewish Law.

Peter and John were brought before the Sanhedrin in the fourth chapter only to be told never to speak the name of Christ. That didn’t stop them. In fact that church only grew larger.

Their prayer coming out of that situation was,

“Sovereign Lord, you made the heaven and the earth and the sea and everything in them. You spoke by the Holy Spirit through the mouth of your servant, our father David.

“Why do the nations rage and the peoples plot in vain? The kings of the earth take their stand and the rulers gather together against the Lord and against his Anointed One.”

… Now Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak out your word with great boldness. Stretch out your hand to heal and perform miraculous signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant Jesus.”

 

They were then empowered by the Holy Spirit to continue preaching and teaching the words of Christ. However, it wasn’t long until again the apostles were thrown in jail. But this time an angel of the Lord showed up to rescue them. This angel opened the doors of the jail and brought them out. Instead of running and hiding like cowards they followed the instructions of the angel and stood in the temple courts telling the people the full message of the new life that could be found only in Christ.

They were brought back to the prison by the officers and declared these words,

“We must obey God rather than men! The God of our fathers raised Jesus from the dead- whom you had killed by hanging him on a tree. God exalted him to his own right hand as Prince and Savior that he might give repentance and forgiveness of sins to Israel. We are witnesses of these things and so is the Holy Spirit whom God has given to those who obey him.”

Acts goes on to say that they left the Sanhedrin rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name.

Although these instances are vital to the understanding of the early church persecution I am blown away by the next example that Acts addresses. The stoning of Stephen. I guess it is because as I read his speech before the Sanhedrin I can’t imagine not believing it. He makes such a great case for Christ by using history and even presents it in story form. Very catchy from a marketing stand point.

Can you just imagine this part of the speech,

“You still-necked people, with uncircumcised hearts and ears! You are just like your fathers: You always resist the Holy Spirit! Was there ever a prophet your fathers did not persecute? They even killed those who predicted the coming of the Righteous One. And now you have betrayed and murdered him- you who have received the law that was put into effect through angels but have not obeyed it. “

What passion must have been behind these words. He knew what he was saying and I even think he realized the consequences. He didn’t care. He didn’t hold back. I imagine the room being so silent in those moments that followed that one could hear a needle drop on the floor. Stephens next words, “Look, I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God” I think is what brought the evilness out of these men. Their hearts were made of such cold stone that they rushed at him screaming and yelling ready to take blood from yet another innocent believer.

I have such a hard time with this passage mostly because I often fall victim to the lie that humans can be naturally good. I forget that our nature is such that we never will be able to do anything good outside of being motivated by the triune God. When I read Stephen’s prayer while he was being stoned I am taken aback. As he is on his knees, rocks being beaten into his bruised flesh he cries out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.”

My whole body cries out for revenge. They just killed an innocent man. They brutally murdered him and he wants them to be forgiven. O no! There’s no way that they deserve to play the ignorant card.

But as I keep reading I see that standing amongst them is Saul. Saul the man that in just a few more chapters will change his name to Paul and become one of the most important figures in early church history. The man that will preach and teach the same words that he listened to Stephen preaching right before he approved his stoning. O what forgiveness can do! Stephen caught of glimpse of that I think when he was looking into the heavens and seeing Christ at the right hand side of the our most holy God! He knew his sin and knew that he didn’t deserve forgiveness so what was it to him to hold a grudge against those that didn’t know what they were doing. They were cold hearted and unable to see the truth.

I wonder if Paul used to cry himself to sleep realizing what he had done to Stephen and to hundreds of other Christian men and women. I understand more completely his words throughout Roman. He really did understand the power of the cross. The blood of forgiveness that was given to him even though he was so undeserving.

The purpose of Acts for the modern church is not so much for us to come to a better understand our history but rather for us to see the power and greatness of the cross. To see the continued story of what the blood of Christ can do in the lives of those that believe. The transformation of men and women that otherwise would have never had the chance to live this new life that Christ made available to them. I don’t believe that Acts is a finished book. Even today I am reminded of the persecution that goes on all around the world. The men and women that are preaching and teaching to people that have stone hearts because like Stephen they believe that these people could turn into Paul’s! 

Freedom Writers

Have I stood in the face of adversity or have I bowed down to my fears making them my personal stumbling blocks. I just finished the movie "Freedom Writers" which deals with a classroom full of students that had believed they had nothing going for them. Their english teacher believed in them and took them to depths of success that none ever expected. 

I can't help but think what makes this story so amazing. Why would a story like this make a grown girl cry every time she watched it... not just once but multiply times? I ask myself every time I watch this movie if I ever experienced such adversity that the only response is standing up rather than being a coward. Have I? I haven't been shot at, I haven't seen anyone die, and I haven't stepped inside a police station... well once but it was just some offices for legal paper work. 

This movie hits me mostly because it reminds me that there are those in this world that do not have the blessings that I do. They live in this world filled with fears and disappointments unlike anything I have ever imagined. So what makes me feel so connected to this story... these people... their lives... 

It's a story of freedom. Freedom from our fears and disappointments. Who can't relate to that? Each of us has gone through tough times and we all have to deal somehow with those things that long to hold us back. Things that keep us chained to the dark, evil world in this movie no longer have the ability to hold us captive. Rather these chains have been broken by rays of hope found in these students new found freedom of having a voice. So yes the connecting factor for me is the overwhelming sense of freedom and hope. However, the freedom that I talk about is not a self induce type of freedom that you see lining the bookshelves. Rather it is from the solitary vision that I have of dwelling within the freedom that comes from my Lord and Savior. 

See I don't have to stow away from the fears and disappointments any more because I have a strength that surpasses all understanding. A peace that brings me joy in the midst of turmoil and a compassion that comes from the mercy granted me. That is what motivates me to do my best and choose life. 

That is why I feel so connected to this story.  It's a story of freedom but it is also a story of hope. A hope that shines into a world that desperately needs it. And that is a story to cry tears of joy over. A story to believe in. A story to stand up and tell in-spite of any adversity that may come my way. You may ask what story that is... It is a story of a Savior for a world in need of saving. 

Purpose and Passion

Three years ago my dad turned to me and asked me what would make a group of people from around the world join Youth With A Mission. He was amazed at the passion that he saw as hundreds of young and old people celebrated the beauty of cultures all around the world during the opening celebration for the new quarter. I sat there wondering how to respond to his question. Did he want an answer or was he just making a statement/observation? Now three years later I sit in my apartment in Colorado Springs ready to answer that question with confidence. It's purpose and passion.

Why am I telling you this? Simply because my purpose all those years was misguided. Sure I had the knowledge of salvation but I had no love (passion).

See I loved Jesus, knew God, and believed in the Holy Spirit. I studied scriptures regularly and lead bible studies, small groups, and worship times but had no purpose. I didn't understand the significance of the cross. I didn't understand the mercy that I didn't deserve.
Joining YWAM I was looking for that purpose. I wanted to walk into some african village and have the people embrace the words that I said as truth. My message to them was to turn from their evil ways and believe in Jesus as their Savior. I pictured myself standing on some street corner preaching at people as they walked by.

However, I never made it to Africa and I never once told someone that they needed to repent from their evil ways and believe in Jesus while standing on a street corner. Instead I taught English in the middle east to 17 Muslim men, who for all I knew could have been in the class to make sure the white girl wasn't their to evangelize. From the middle east I made it to central Asia. In Nepal I never once told anyone to repent from their evil ways and believe in Jesus but I did take lots of pictures and interview the Christian workers there for a project to help them gain financial support from western believers. In Thailand I taught English, went to the Zoo with some Thai Buddhist, and road Elephants after performing a few of my songs for 400 Thai college students.

Finally after three years and nine countries I can answer my dad's question. It has to be Jesus because if it isn't then all that we do is pointless. If I was sitting in that place again with the knowledge that I now know I would say this to my dad.

Dad,
I am here because I want to glorify God with my life. He deserves it. My life is too small of a price to pay for the price that he already paid. I can not say that about the others in this room but I pray that is why they are here also. See Dad, God has given me life and purpose and because of that I have a passion to share that love with others around the world. It's not because I think that I am better than others or that I in my flesh have something to offer people but instead it is because I believe that as people come to know me they also can see Jesus in me. See I have made mistakes and hurt people and understand what it is to be at the lowest point possible. I know the power of forgiveness and healing that comes from the death and resurrection of Jesus and with that power I walk each day with the purpose and passion that Christ did as he walked amongst us. My life purpose has become the very reason why Jesus came....to seek and save the lost... and that Dad is why I am here. 

I am no longer with YWAM but I believe that those years will always be precious to me. Yes I saw the world but more than that I saw God's heart for the Lost in the midst of doing things that at the time didn't seem so evangelistic. 

BK

Sacrifice

The sacrifice of Christ is something that I think very little of in terms of literal meaning. I realize the christian terminology and implication most days but highly doubt that I have come to grasp just exactly what God had in mind when He sent His son to die for me.
The word sacrifice in the english dictionary is defined like this-
sacrifice |ˈsakrəˌfīs|
noun
an act of slaughtering an animal or person or surrendering a possession as an offering to God or to a divine or supernatural figure

• an animal, person, or object offered in this way.
• an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy

The second part of the meaning has much more significance in how I view the value of my life. God the creator of the universe sacrificed his Son Jesus Christ not because he wanted to show off his worth and value but instead because he was making the biggest gesture one can make on how much they value human life. The importance and worth of one person to God was such that he was willing to lay it all down.

Am I willing to do the same in response to His sacrifice? If I am what does that look like in my everyday life?

Another challenging thought... do I value Human life the way that God did when he decided to sacrifice Jesus on the Cross. Do I see my brothers and sisters as worthy creatures of Jesus sacrifice. Am I loving and caring towards them in the way that God would see fit?

See my friends there is so much to think about from just one small word and yet if I didn't take the time I would never have known what the true meaning of sacrifice really was.

So today my prayer is...
"God, help me be aware of and release any self-defeating beliefs I have about being unlovable. Help me begin, today, to tell myself that I am lovable. Help me practice this belief until it gets into my core and manifests itself in my relationships."

All my worship and admiration towards the one True and Holy God.
-Brandy