Lonely

For the past few days I have found myself discontent and distracted but really I just didn't want to recognize what was really going on...there is a ... loneliness. This morning I read this in one of my many Henri Nouwen books and daily mediations.

God is calling you to deep, personal intimacy, an intimacy that is wonderful and very demanding. God asks you to let go of many things...you must live it with trust, standing tall. You must try to say, 'Yes, I am lonely, but this particular loneliness sets me on the road to intimacy with God'.

Now, I'm not a crier but as I sat and read over this something inside me broke. I realized that no matter how many times I heard the words I Love You from others there still was this screaming void inside me. I "knew" I couldn't find fulfillment in the words of my loved ones because they are only given to me as symbols of how much my True Father loves me. I "know" that God loves me but I find it hard to allow my heart to feel loved. And to have that love sink in.

So today I am challenged to not only allow the love from others to sink in but also the love from my Heavenly Father. That is where the healing will begin and where I will be able to love others the way that I want to and appreciate and value the love that they offer me.

Brandy