Seriously it's been 2 years...

Brian died. There are still moments when those two words sound so foreign to me. What did my mom just tell me? Seriously, she said what at 5:30 in the morning Aug. 15, 2010 over the phone. No way!

I thought about writing a blog last week about how much I missed him, but honestly it just seemed strange to think about him. Over the past two years I have caught myself thinking about him at random moments. At first it was just remembering the fun times, great conversations, and frustrating moments that we all have with our older brothers. Then came the times when I just missed him. I would call my mom and the words would almost slip out of my mouth, "How's Brian and Will?" For so long it was always the two of them. Now, it's the trips home that make me miss him or the holiday traditions, birthdays, and anniversaries.

For months afterwards I can remember listening to this song that kept repeating these words, "Sometimes all that you can do is just keep breathing and believing. Telling yourself that you'll make it, and not to give in." As the breathing got easier and time set in, my heart began to ache less often. I don't know if time heals all wounds, but what I do know is that Christ does. As I have dealt with the grief over these two years, I have caught a glimpse of what the Psalmist might have felt as he wrote these words,

"The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry. The face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hear and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken."                                                    (Psalms 34:15-20)

As I cried out for comfort during the moments of grief, I found God to be standing there ready to comfort me. My eyes were dried by his touch and my soul found hope again as I began to see the goodness of God, especially in the midst of such great pain. I am not saying that I find it joyful to have lost such a person or that I understand God's timing or plan. However, I choose to trust my King. To look at life through the eyes of trust and belief rather than frustration and pain.

It is my prayer that you too would remind yourself today that our God is good. There is nothing in His character that is bad. May you taste and see the goodness of the Lord, in the midst of the pain and grief that you may be experiencing. Remember He is the only one that can bring true healing and restoration to your soul.