12 hours of prayer

After 12 hours of horrific car trouble my wonderful Kia Sorento pulled into what resembled a reasonably safe hotel right on the border of New Mexico and Arizona. The sun had just set and although every part of me wanted to keep going, I was strongly encouraged to rest and just start again in the morning. For hours my car had decided to stop accelerating 22 times. From what I could tell it wasn't triggered by going a certain speed, driving a specific amount of time, or keeping the RPM's up to high. It just stopped accelerating. Each time my heart would sink, as I realized that nothing I did was going to change the fact that my car just didn't want to go forward anymore. The first few times I was so scared. Going 85 mph on the highway is scary enough, but to all the sudden lose the ability to keep up with the herd of cars around me was frightening. Trying to find a pull off on the side of highway 25 as you go down the Raton Pass is nearly impossible and if it wasn't for the fact that I could coast going 35 mph for a few hundred feet it wouldn't have happened. Each time my car would decide to act up it meant pulling over for about 5 minutes, letting it reset, then trying to accelerate back up to the appropriate speed to not get ran over by the other travels.

What a way to start a new journey in my life. My goal before I left that morning was to make it to Phoenix, Az. and then travel on to my parents house the following day. Spend a few days with my parents, soaking in their awesome love, and then travel north to Clovis, Ca to discover what life would be like living and working there. Now, as I sat in Gallup, New Mexico without any desire to sit in my car again I had to decide if I was going to push myself to stick with the plan or be flexible. Flexibility doesn't come natural for me. I have my plan and honestly when it doesn't work out the way that I picture it my attitude stinks. Even more than that I struggle with not wanting to disappoint others. I knew that my parents were expecting me, everyone back in Colorado was told that was why I was leaving five days early, and what would everyone say if I didn't go there first. Hadn't I told everyone this was what I was I doing and wasn't that enough to convince God to let my yes be yes and no be no. Didn't he know the plan? What part of the memo hadn't he received? Aren't we told to pray for things and expect them to turn out just as we prayed? Come on God, why did my car stop accelerating again? Was my faith not strong enough?

In the hours of driving that day I had so many frustrating prayers and conversations with God. One time I listed off all the things that I could think of to be grateful for, just to see if I could some how convince God to fix my car. For 48 minutes gratefulness rolled off my tongue only to result in yet another episode of ugly car syndrome. Seriously, there was no convincing God to just let me make it to Phoenix so pulling into what seemed like the safest and cheapest hotel in Gallup become my solution. Exhausted and ready to just be done, I laid in bed trying to process everything and at some point during the night I realized that it wasn't about my car issues at all. Fear, stress, and tension blanketed my body. My teeth hurt from holding my jaw so tightly, my shoulders felt like I was carrying an extra 100 pounds and my bank account couldn't possibly afford a massive car repair. Having barely enough money to start my trip, God sure was wanting me to trust that he would show up.  

Why was life so hard and not going according to the plan. I had prayed for protection and traveling mercies, got a peace about going down to San Diego earlier to see my parents, and was honestly trying to expect great things when I prayed. Yet, everything was so disappointing. I was scared, alone, and doubting my ability to hear or speak to God. Now, don't look to far down this rabbit trail. My relationship with God wasn't necessary in question, just how it was suppose to be walked out. For months I have felt like God has been asking me to dig deeper into what it means to pray. To discover the joys and excitement of a loving God who longs to hear and talk with us about every aspect of life. I have been trying to run to Him with my thoughts, worries, joys, and even questions. Memorize passages that remind me to ask, give thanks, and be expectant. Verses like the ones below kept coming to mind. 

Psalm 107:28-30 Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven 

Matthew 7:7  ”Ask, and it will be given to you seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." 

Matthew 21:22 And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”  

Mark 11:24  Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 

John 14:13-14 Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it

So why wasn't God answer. I realized that C.S. Lewis was right. 

“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”

By morning I was ready to take on another round of painful car problems but instead of being frustrated, irritated, and pissed off at God I was flexible. One of the times my car died I was next to a small restaurant. After eating breakfast I got to talking with the waitress. She shared how hard life was and how they were going to have to shut down their restaurant because of financial problems.  I'm pretty sure she has some questions about God's faithfulness in the midst of struggles and unexpected circumstances, yet she seemed to have such a positive attitude about it. She even gave me a Christmas present before I left.

Getting to Flagstaff, Az. was going to take a miracle and as the city come into view my heart was relieved. Finding a mechanic that could help me was my main objective, but of course God had so much more in store. After three mechanic and 6 hours of sitting in the Kia dealership lobby I was on my way, full of joy and peace. My car was fixed and God had worked it so my warranty covered a huge portion of the bill and although I wasn't headed to my parents I was content with just trusting God to lead me.  Life doesn't always end up the way we pictured it and it is during those tough times that we have the option to get bitter or remain flexible. God doesn't always show up the way we pray for Him too, he holds back until just the right time to answer in the best way possible. Trusting that is the key to getting through this life as a Saint. So, it is my prayer that as you start your day, spend some time discovering the beauty of prayer. Ask God for things, bring your worries and struggles to him, and expect Him to show up in ways that you could never imagine. Don't lose heart because its trusting and allowing God to change your perspective and heart that truly matters when you pray.

Brandy