Forgiveness, the Way to Freedom

Every day I get these little sections of different Henri Nouwen books. I have come to really enjoy reading what they have to say and how God uses them to stimulate different thoughts. Here is one on the journey of forgiveness.

To forgive another person from the heart is an act of liberation. We set that person free from the negative bonds that exist between us. We say, "I no longer hold your offense against you" But there is more. We also free ourselves from the burden of being the "offended one." As long as we do not forgive those who have wounded us, we carry them with us or, worse, pull them as a heavy load. The great temptation is to cling in anger to our enemies and then define ourselves as being offended and wounded by them. Forgiveness, therefore, liberates not only the other but also ourselves. It is the way to the freedom of the children of God.

As I read through this I am reminded of a few passages in Matthew that I so often glaze over;

For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions. Matthew 6:14-15

Forgiveness is one of those sticky areas of life. We can be walking along, get offended, keep walking and years later realize that we were harboring bitterness or anger towards someone or it can be completely obvious, like when you are screaming and yelling at your loved ones because they haven't taken out the trash. However, one thing I have come to know too well is that most of the time what you are truly angry about never seems to surface when you are heated and arguing, it is only when you have laid before the throne of God and asked him to reveal to you what the core issue is that true forgiveness can begin.

For example, when my sister was getting married we had one of those bridezilla moments. Now I am not sure which one of us was being the bridezilla (she would say I was) but all I know is that I got a high heel thrown at me and almost ran over, while she received words from my mouth that I am ashamed of ever saying. What was this whole thing over... well our roommate at the time would say a TV, but both her and I knew that it wasn't over a TV.

Deep down both of us knew that our relationship was going to be changing. I was struggling to allow it too and she was struggling to accept that whole two become one idea we find in scripture. The past 12 years of our lives had trained us to believe that we would always be each others #1. Sure we fought and our selfishness waged war every once in a while, but in general she was and still is the best friend, sister, wife and now mother I know. We laughed together, prayed together, mourned together, traveled together, moved together, and yes on this day we fought together.

Once our roommate pointed out that we were arguing over a TV, it dawned on me that we were both wounded women who were lashing out at each other because we couldn't put into calm collected words what we were really feeling. The pain and hurt had turned to anger because we had not allowed God's wisdom and spirit to lead us to repentance. We had forgotten God's perspective, grace, and mercy towards each other and allowed the enemy to tell us that life really was and is about us.

Now I am not saying we should allow others to walk all over us or act as if what we want and feel don't matter at all but when you look at the core of what selfishness it is being devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. As Christians we are called to live above this selfishness and to walk in a manor that is worth of the calling of Christ on our lives. Here are just a few passages that speak loudly to me when I am waging the war within me against selfishness.

Psalm 119:36
Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain.

Proverbs 18:1
An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defies all sound judgment.

Galatians 5:20
idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions

Philippians 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

James 3:14
But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth.

James 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

May the Lord use these scriptures to draw us towards a bigger, brighter picture of what it means to love Him and be his beloved sons and daughters. May we experience the true meaning of forgiveness, grace, and mercy by walking in the light and beauty that comes from truly forgiving others.

It is also my prayer that as you pursue forgiveness with others, you would also consider your role in that process. One YWAM teach once told me that if it bothers you, most of the time the problem is within you not the other person.

Brandy