I was going to say tomorrow

There is something strangely scary about following the voice of the Lord. Whether it is intuition or in some sort of blatant form (audible or from our circumstances), the voice of the Lord can lead you into situations that seem utterly crazy.

7 months ago I drove up to a fence of a home that I had visited 2 times before; however, this time my car was stuffed and anticipation was high. The Thiesen family had offered me a job for a few months and since my boyfriend was a part of the family business it made sense to move there instead of him moving to Colorado. What I thought would be an easy transition, turned out to be the toughest few months of my life.  Quickly getting settled down and comfortable never really happened. In fact, until this past week I would say I have lived out of my car, boxes, and plastic tubs. Sure I had a bed in two different homes, but most of my belongings were packed and stored away in my car or in the attic with Josh's stuff. At first it was okay, the plan was just to be here a few months before returning to Colorado; however, that changed after a few weeks. All the sudden that still small voice began to speak of staying longer, holding off on doing the counseling school with YWAM, and really focusing on getting out of debt.

In the midst of the first month I knew me moving to Clovis, Ca was not just because I had a job that would use my education, or even because my boyfriend just happened to be there. February and March brought challenges that I had never experienced before. In fact, this whole years has helped me discover an aspect of life that I never struggled with before. What if what we think is God speaking, doesn't happen? Or look like how we anticipated? What if what we think God means when he speaks to us, really is not what he meant at all. We heard correctly but jumped the gun.

A lot of people ask me how I know that God speaks to us and how we can tell the difference between our own voice and His. I have experienced the hard way, the importance of not just going off of whatever we "think" we hear but having a developed process that includes the art patients and discernment. A friend once told me a story of a man that thought he heard God say, "Go to Denver." So he jumped in his car and drove up from Colorado Springs. Once he got there he said, "Okay, now what?" And all he heard was, "I was going to say tomorrow."

I don't think people ask the question of whether or not God speaks. We all can agree that God is a God that is intimately involved in our lives and loves us so deeply that he does step in and direct us at times. We can also agree that we have His Word to speak through the darkness and help give solutions to our problems. Each of us has a brain and can recognize that we use it to make decisions that can be influenced by our world view, emotions, and others around us. All of these things play a part in hearing God; however, over the years I have also experienced what I like to call the still small voice. That soft voice that reminds us of which way to go, how God truly views us, and even repeats "I love you." a million times, until we finally realize those words were meant for us as a reminder because we had forgot.

So as we sit back and honestly as ourselves if God speaks, we realize he does. It's different for each of us, but the fact remains, it's scary at times to trust it. To walk in obedience when we know full well that it may not have been God at all, but instead our own desires. Some of us hear and jump, while others hear and analyze. It's not God that miscommunicates, it's us that don't allow Him to speak, have cloudy thinking, or misrepresent what he originally said to make ourselves look better or get what we want.  My prayer is that you can learn to trust His voice, develop the discipline to listen intently and completely and have the patients to wait until tomorrow if He wants you too.

Brandy