I was going to say tomorrow

There is something strangely scary about following the voice of the Lord. Whether it is intuition or in some sort of blatant form (audible or from our circumstances), the voice of the Lord can lead you into situations that seem utterly crazy.

7 months ago I drove up to a fence of a home that I had visited 2 times before; however, this time my car was stuffed and anticipation was high. The Thiesen family had offered me a job for a few months and since my boyfriend was a part of the family business it made sense to move there instead of him moving to Colorado. What I thought would be an easy transition, turned out to be the toughest few months of my life.  Quickly getting settled down and comfortable never really happened. In fact, until this past week I would say I have lived out of my car, boxes, and plastic tubs. Sure I had a bed in two different homes, but most of my belongings were packed and stored away in my car or in the attic with Josh's stuff. At first it was okay, the plan was just to be here a few months before returning to Colorado; however, that changed after a few weeks. All the sudden that still small voice began to speak of staying longer, holding off on doing the counseling school with YWAM, and really focusing on getting out of debt.

In the midst of the first month I knew me moving to Clovis, Ca was not just because I had a job that would use my education, or even because my boyfriend just happened to be there. February and March brought challenges that I had never experienced before. In fact, this whole years has helped me discover an aspect of life that I never struggled with before. What if what we think is God speaking, doesn't happen? Or look like how we anticipated? What if what we think God means when he speaks to us, really is not what he meant at all. We heard correctly but jumped the gun.

A lot of people ask me how I know that God speaks to us and how we can tell the difference between our own voice and His. I have experienced the hard way, the importance of not just going off of whatever we "think" we hear but having a developed process that includes the art patients and discernment. A friend once told me a story of a man that thought he heard God say, "Go to Denver." So he jumped in his car and drove up from Colorado Springs. Once he got there he said, "Okay, now what?" And all he heard was, "I was going to say tomorrow."

I don't think people ask the question of whether or not God speaks. We all can agree that God is a God that is intimately involved in our lives and loves us so deeply that he does step in and direct us at times. We can also agree that we have His Word to speak through the darkness and help give solutions to our problems. Each of us has a brain and can recognize that we use it to make decisions that can be influenced by our world view, emotions, and others around us. All of these things play a part in hearing God; however, over the years I have also experienced what I like to call the still small voice. That soft voice that reminds us of which way to go, how God truly views us, and even repeats "I love you." a million times, until we finally realize those words were meant for us as a reminder because we had forgot.

So as we sit back and honestly as ourselves if God speaks, we realize he does. It's different for each of us, but the fact remains, it's scary at times to trust it. To walk in obedience when we know full well that it may not have been God at all, but instead our own desires. Some of us hear and jump, while others hear and analyze. It's not God that miscommunicates, it's us that don't allow Him to speak, have cloudy thinking, or misrepresent what he originally said to make ourselves look better or get what we want.  My prayer is that you can learn to trust His voice, develop the discipline to listen intently and completely and have the patients to wait until tomorrow if He wants you too.

Brandy

Doing 360's through life

This morning I sat down to let God know just how I felt about my life right now. After 20 minutes of ranting and rambling my thoughts slowed enough to possible hear God's. This is what I got, maybe it's something we all should hear. 

Brandy,

Life is not meant to be a rollercoaster. Our culture has succumb to this idea as a Godly approach to making it through life. I don’t want you to coast through life as if you were watching it roll by on a Disney attraction. Instead, my desire is shine through you and out of your into the beautiful scenery you engage in Get out of the coaster and live life, fully aware of my authority, my provision, and even my presence. Learn to trust my voice, my calling, and even silence as vital tools to expand my Kingdom. I am not silent because I want to frustrate you, rather it is my way of getting your attention. So often voices bombard you with what they think is “wisdom” and “counsel”, I long to give you something of truth and real substance. My prompting should be one that quenches a deep desire for direction, purpose, and fulfillment. My Wisdom and Counsel is not a cheap imitation of clarity and purpose, but is the very Light you need to survive. I am Light and as you walk with me you are walking into your calling not searching for it. I am the path that you are called to walk, to represent, and to develop. Like the wagons that traveled West on the Oregon trail, embrace your journey. As the elements, the trials, the joys, and even the deaths along the way present themselves to you don’t idly watch them roll by. By engage with each of them you are spreading Light, dispelling darkness, and finding my true joy.

1 John 1:5-7

“This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.” 

Find Rest My Soul

Over the past 4 months my life has been what most would describe as chaos. Actually, at times I would have to admit that I too have viewed it that way; however, my sustaining grace through all of the turmoil has allowed me to confidently walk each day knowing that the storm would not overpower my ship. During the darkest hours the passages in Mark have sprung off the page and brought the light that I needed to help guide me through the waves that seemed to be overtaking me. 

Mark 4:35-41 New International Version (NIV)
³⁵ That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” ³⁶ Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. ³⁷ A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped.³⁸ Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”³⁹ He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.⁴⁰ He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"⁴¹ They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him! 


First, let's look at what kind of storm is being described here. The NIV describes it as a furious squall, the New American Standard says that there arose a fierce gale of wind, and the waves were breaking over the boat so much that the boat was already filling up. Does life ever feel this? 

For me the rain started back in Dec. My mom had cancer and on my way to visit her my car broke down. What should have taken 12 hours took 23. I moved to Clovis, Ca to start the next chapter of my life, I had allowed myself to imagine what words would be written in this chapter just enough to get myself in trouble. My time here was suppose to just be until the counseling school at the Colorado Springs YWAM base started in April. In January I packed 2 masters classes into 6 weeks (bad idea). For six weeks every three days I had 2 ten page papers due. Somewhere in the midst of that I decided to put the school on hold and stick around Clovis for at least 2 years. I was able to transition into a new job and create some sort of routine; however, two weekends right off the bat were spent down in San Diego with my family as my mom went through the surgery and process of getting rid of the cancer.


Already feeling the waves getting stronger from the storm, February hit. Josh's parents were both sick with the flu, my dad was admitted to the hospital because his kidneys were having a reaction to his medications. For weeks it was nothing but sickness. I ended up with pink eye in both eyes, ear infections, and a small dose of the flu. My dad got better but had to go back to hospital to get some of his drugs regulated. All the while, Josh's mom was slowly getting better and his dad was getting worse. On February 12th we took his dad to the hospital. They sedated him and had to hook him up to a machine that pumped his blood for him. As the waters kept on rising and the waves seemed to hit the sides of my boat with such force I had no option but to cling to promises that God would calm the store. 
March didn't let up. My dad was out of the hospital only to get admitted again with the same stuff Josh's dad had. His oxygen levels were pretty low and the doctors were super concerned. What was I suppose to do, I wanted to be in both places. Supporting Josh and his mom was a priority but so was supporting my parents. How could I be in both places at once. The waves were huge and sadly I took a hit on March 8th as Josh's dad passed away. It hurt and has definitely left some damage. Two days after his dad passed away my dad got worse. My mom called and as she told me how bad things were I just cried out to God. What was I too do?!?!?!? 
Rest...
Rest, seriously. In the midst of so much the Lord is telling me to rest. 

Matthew 11:29

Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

In the midst of such heart ache and down pour Jesus is asking me to let him rain down his peace and rest. To lean into his heart and know that everything will be okay. To find rest in the midst of the storm like He did as the disciples scrambled around the boat in the storm. I have definitely had those moments of screaming out to God, "Don't you care if we drown?" Don't you see God that my spirit is about to brake and this boat you've given me can't handle any more damage from these waves?

So, I wish I could report that the storm has finally calmed and that the Lord has led me by streams of still water, but it hasn't. My dad got out of the hospital and is now back in the hospital. Josh and his family are still trying to process through all of this and with each waking minute I feel the waters crashing around me. But what I can tell you.... without the rest of the Lord I wouldn't be nearly as calm or capable to walk through this season of my life. I trust that my Lord can calm the seas when he sees fit and I will hold on for dear life until that day.

Praying that you too can find rest for your soul as you face today's storm. Don't lose heart for 
these momentary trails are producing an eternal weight of glory far beyond comparison. 

Love,


Brandy