This morning I woke up and realized a had just had a dream about my funeral. Morbid I know! But it really wasn’t. I was observing the funeral service and listening to what each person had to say about me. A few good things came from this dream.
One was that somehow in the time from now to the day I die I had found a husband that loved me for the women that I was and had nothing but admiration for me. He spoke about my faith in not only him but in a God that was ultimately in control of everything. He talked about my ability to pray and pray and pray until God answered. He loved that I never gave up and was determined in so many areas of my life.
See these things are all the things that I struggle with now. I struggle to believe that one day I will find a man that loves me and admires me in these ways. I struggle now with believing that God does have a plan and that he is in control. Daily I lift my hands and just trust that as I walk he will guide me into whatever his will is. And as far as my prayer life… most of the time I find that I pray my own selfish prayers and then the spirit helps me see what I should be praying for. My spirit of determination is great when it is used for God’s glory but my human nature is to never give up until I get my way. It is a struggle sometimes to give up my dreams and plans for the dreams and plans of God.
The second person that stood out was my sister. For years we have had this joke that during the funeral of the first sister that dies we were responsible for making sure that people laugh and know that we would have wanted them to enjoy themselves at our funeral. Selfishly I am glad that in my dream Tiff got to share how we came to the conclusion of playing the wedding song at our funeral. J See it was about five years ago during one of our families funerals that I leaned over and basically told her that I remembered Mrs. Schaffer much more happy and joyful than how her funeral was going. Tiff agreed and then I said that I want people to know that I am going to be with Christ as his bride. I in fact wanted them to play the wedding song. Tiff started to laugh and sense we were in the second row everyone looked back at us.
That memory stands out because of two things. One I still remember my sister laugh and realizing that it was okay to be joyful in someone’s death when we know that they are going home to their true husband! The hope and joy that we have because of the resurrection of Christ should be evident in each day that we live why not after our death also. The other thing that stands out is that sometimes people don’t have that hope and joy when they die. The people that attended Mrs. Schaffer’s funeral were not all believers and they couldn’t grasp the fact that she was probably at that moment worshiping and celebrating in the presence of Jesus Christ. All they recognized was the lose of a life that brought joy and hope to their lives. They had mistaken the source of her hope and joy for something that she willed up. Something that she had the strength to conjure up all these years and now that she was died it was a void in their lives.
I wanted Tiff to share that story and that song with those at my funeral because the focus should not be on the fact that I had passed away but rather that I was finally fully alive in Christ. My days were no longer full of struggles and pains but rather I was in place where ever tear was wiped away.
The next couple of people that shared during the funeral were ones that had so many funny stories to tell. Stories of how my life had brought joy to theirs and how they had watched me grow and struggle through things only to see that each time I came out of that situation a strong and more beautiful person.
The last person that shared in my dream before I woke up was a member of my band… that’s right I had a band! He started by saying this,
“Brandy was such an encourager. She knew her faith and knew how strong her God was. Her live was a testimony of God’s hope, grace, and mercy. Never did I feel like she was judging me for my lack of faith at times but rather she knew the struggles and the battle that we lived each day in. I remember one time she told me a story of the process a butterfly goes through to get its wings. She said that it struggles to fit itself through this tiny little hole and as it pushes and pushes itself out the butterflies wings grow strong and strong so that when they are finally out that cocoon they can soar with the best of them.”
As he began to cry a little he said this, “Brandy knew that her struggles were just a part of her be able to strengthen her wings so she could soar on the wings of the eagles. She saw the eternal impact on each situation that she dealt with in her life and as we reflect on her life I knew that right now she is soaring with wings that are strong and beautiful.”
He then played the first song I ever wrote which happened to be about able the process of a butterfly developing their wings.
That’s my funeral. Those are the things that matter the most in this life. Not the amount of money that I died with, the degrees that I had earned, or even the awards that I had been given. All that matter was how I had learned that it was by grace through faith that I had been given the joy and hope to live each day encouraging and loving others.
