Present at my own funeral

If you know me at all, you know that I have tons of dreams, goals, and ideas for my life. You have probably heard me recant one of these in such a way as to try and even convince the Queen of England that I was beyond a shadow of a doubt convince it was my life calling (regardless of how unrealistic it really was). Now you're probably thinking that this post is another one of those moments and that I have some how managed to trick myself into believing that it would be remotely possible to be present at your own funeral. Come on, I'm fully aware of my ridiculousness but even that's over the top.

So why such a morbid title? Well, I picked up a new read and the first chapter asked this question, "What would you want your spouse to say about you at your funeral?" The very concept seemed so far fetched for me to think about, considering I am not married. But as I kept reading the chapter the author convinced me of the worthiness of asking yourself this question. Just think about what it would be like to stand in the back of rows and rows of chairs full of people coming to pay their respect to this awesome, amazing, brilliant women.... listening to them recant all the wonderful ways that you encouraged them, loved them, and gave of your time and money for their benefit. You truly had achieved being like Jesus... okay so I mentioned that I am ridiculous, right? :)

As your standing there listening to these stories, what exactly would you want to hear? As your spouse stands up, takes the mic and begins to describe your marriage, your relationship with others, and how you loved those around you, would you be honored or ashamed? Better yet, would Christ be gloried? You see this question was posed to encourage women in their marriages to stop nagging and discouraging their husband and living each moment on purpose, to edify their husbands, to bring Christ glory and reflect His true purpose of marriage. However, being single I found tremendous benefit from asking myself this question and applying it where I am at. 

When my "brother" Brian died a little of a year and half ago, I remember being surrounded by hundreds of people celebrating his life and sharing so many amazing stories of how friendly and giving he was. As the balloons were released into the air, one of the biker guys revved his motorcycle resulting in 5 minutes of loud shouts of admiration and expressions of mourning. What was it about this man that everyone seemed to love so much? This is not an easy blog to write because it has forced me to come face to face with the reality of what I believe.

The past week I had my students memorize Ephesians 2:13

"But now in Jesus Christ you who were once far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ." 

I too memorized it and as I've thought about it over and over again a heart of gratefulness and reassurance has sprung up within me. Romans 3:25 talks about our need for a savior and how Jesus' death and blood is the solution to our eternal problem. Without believing in Him as my savior I have no hope of being brought into the resurrection. Jesus clearly states this is John,

"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit he cannot enter into the Kingdom of God." John 3:5

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him." John 3:16-17

 These are just two of the passages that speak directly to our condition and need for a Savior and if I truly believe this I must conclude that Brian did not live his life as one that believed. In Luke we find an even more direct statement,

"Then He opened their minds to understand the Scriptures, and He said to them, 'Thus it is written, that the Christ would suffer and rise again from the dead on the third day, and that repentance for forgiveness of sins would be proclaimed in His name to all the nations, beginning from Jerusalem.'" Luke 24:45-47

I can not be certain if God opened Brian's mind and heart to understand the Scriptures, only God can judge a mans heart, but scripture is also clear that the way a man lives his life is a testimony of what he believes. The fruit that is born from his actions, thoughts, and belief will be that of the Holy Spirits rather than envy, malice, or corruption (Galatians 5:16-26) and sadly I didn't see that in his life.

Yes, it was a tragedy that Brian died; however, it is more of a tragedy that at the end of his life those that he loved were left wondering where he was at in regards to belief in the only true Savior. And honestly as I listened to the shouts and wallowing from all of his friends and family, my mourning came from not having the opportunity to see true fruit from his life and a solid understanding of his love for my Savior. My prayer is that he did believe and that God had mercy on his soul, but more it is now that I would have the boldness to declare that we all need a Savior. We all need to turn from our selfishness and realize that our true purpose for being on this earth is to bring Christ glory by believing in Him, trusting Him, and having complete assurance in His offer of salvation. We are His inheritance and I want it to be said of me on my funeral that I lived my life in such a way as to make my Savior say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints." Ephesian 1:18)

May you be encouraged today to lay aside everything that distracts you from dedicating your life to being a saint that makes their Heavenly Father proud of the inheritance He is giving to His Son Jesus.

Grateful for His grace,
Brandy 

My life a gift, yeah right!

Growing up Jehovah's Witness wasn't all bad.

Now I know for many that statement sounds crazy. Why would anyone think it was not the most horrible thing to not celebrate birthdays or Christmas. I mean what else is there in life?!?! Or what about all that self effort and works junk? Or even the fact that the bible says we wont know when the Lord returns?

Okay, so that's why I said it wasn't all bad... :)

Take for instance the fact that both my sister and I have found ourselves grateful that our parents didn't have to wait for a special "holiday" to lavish luxurious gifts on us. I remember as a little girl every Friday my dad would scoop me up in his arms and with a huge smile proclaim that it was time to go and get all fancied up. I knew instantly that it was time to go put on one of my hundreds of dresses and head over to get my hair done and nails (if I had not bit them all off by then) painted at the Asian ladies place. We'd spend hours together and every once in a while he'd pull out a little boxed gift. Always telling me that gifts were meant to be given all the time from a heart of generosity and not out of obligation.

When I became a Christian, I remember how strange it was that although we had received the best gift of all, our salvation from sin, very few were as generous as my parents. Christmas came first and I made my list of presents to get and give. Super excited to celebrate the birth of my Lord with my brothers and sisters at church, but sadly as I gave each gift away I didn't experience the thrill that I could see in my dad's face as he gave my sister and I our gifts. It was as if my new friends expected me to get them something and because I had given them something they now had to get me something in return.

Second was my birthday. Now, I can't complain about my first birthday celebration or my second birthday surprise party. I loved them both so much and for those that were a part of making them so memorable I am tremendously grateful. Celebrating my birthday for the first time on a boat heading towards Catalina Island will always be one of my favorite memories. Dan, Zach, Caitlyn, Kaitlynn, Heidi and Stephen, and a bunch of others from my youth group made sure that this day was special. Even included a birthday necklace made out of plates and pink boa! My second birthday was even more elaborate. Kaitlynn I am still blown away by how you actually pulled off a surprise party for me and o man Cold Weather Rescue singing me happy birthday was just what any 16 year old girl would call marvelous.

As the hype of my own birthday's wore off and Christmas slowly became more and more about what I was going to get others and what they were going to get me, my heart was town. Throughout the year I would come up with tons of gift ideas for others and give them to my friends but because it wasn't the except-able time and place to give gifts my friends would give me strange looks. I'm not sure if "gifts" is one of my love languages but it sure was my dads and because that was modeled to me at a young age, I am more inclined to want to give them to others. It was sad to think that not everyone understood the power of giving a gift to someone else and the joy that one gets when they think back on gifts given them that were "just cause" gifts.

So, why all this rambling on gift giving? Well because isn't that what our Heavenly Father has done for us. Each day we receive gifts from Him "just cause". We aren't at all worthy to receive these gifts and there is not some looming holiday that forces Him to be generous to us. It's His very nature to want to lavish upon us. Now these gifts may not always be tangible or monetary; however, if we look closely we can see that each gift is a representation of His, "redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us." (Eph. 1: 7-8)

In fact, throughout scripture we see gifts being given for no apparent "holiday". Magi brought gifts to Jesus to celebrate His birth, Kings gave gifts as  their guests parted, and we are reminded in Psalms 127:3 that children really are gifts from the Lord, no matter how much parents would like to send them back. But it's in Romans that I feel like we find the description of the best gifts of all.

"For I long to see you so that I may impart some spiritual gift to you, that you may be established; that is, that I may be encouraged together with you while among you, each of us by the other's faith, both yours and mine." (Romans 1:11)

Have you ever thought that your very presence in another's life could be a gift to them. Choosing to invest and say that you are "all in" could be worth a million dollars to a someone that has never known love or friendship. It's our lives that Christ has given us and as we live each day investing into others it means more than just passing time.

Paul also points out the ultimate gift in Romans 6:23.

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

King David speaks of this gift in Psalm 32 and as you read through it I pray that you too would recognize the gift that you have been given and how your life given to bring Glory to Christ could at the same time be a gift to others around you.

Psalm 32

"How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
Whose sin is covered!
How blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity,
And in whose spirit there is no deceit!
When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away
Through my groaning all day long.
For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer.

I acknowledge my sin to You,
And my iniquity I did not hide;
I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD";
And You forgave the guilt of my sin.
Therefore, let everyone who is godly pray to You in a time when You may be found;
Surely in a flood of great waters they will not reach him.

You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble;
You surround me with songs of deliverance.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go;
I will counsel you with My eye upon you.
Do not be as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding,
Whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check,
Otherwise they will not come near to you.
Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
But he who trusts in the Lord, lovingkindness shall surround him.
Be glad in the LORD and rejoice, you righteous ones;
And shout for joy, all you who are upright in heart. 

Brandy