Forgiving in the Name of God

Earlier this week I wrote about how we need to look at our hearts before we form bitterness and anger towards someone who has offended us. I didn't present a 10 step program on how to forgive someone because honestly there isn't one. Anyone that has truly been wounded will tell you that there is no rhyme or reason to their logic or emotions. All they know is the feelings that come from being hurt; rejection, abandonment, abuse, manipulated suck. Take a look at today's section from one of Henri Nouwen's books.

We are all wounded people. Who wounds us? Often those whom we love and those who love us. When we feel rejected, abandoned, abused, manipulated, or violated, it is mostly by people very close to us: our parents, our friends, our spouses, our lovers, our children, our neighbors, our teachers, our pastors. Those who love us wound us too. That's the tragedy of our lives. This is what makes forgiveness from the heart so difficult. It is precisely our hearts that are wounded. We cry out, "You, who I expected to be there for me, you have abandoned me. How can I ever forgive you for that?"

Forgiveness often seems impossible, but nothing is impossible for God. The God who lives within us will give us the grace to go beyond our wounded selves and say, "In the Name of God you are forgiven." Let's pray for that grace.

For years I struggle with forgiving certain people in my life; however, it wasn't for the things that they did but rather the things that they didn't do. It is that list of feelings that I mentioned earlier. Because they didn't provide for me, accept me, or stick close to me when I needed them my heart towards them became wounded. That wounded heart began to control my actions, thoughts, and above all my emotions. When I was 20 my heart had been so wounded that I can remember making the decision to become calloused, to shut out the world by building a strong tower of hatred and bitterness.

Man did this tower come equipped with the best defenses. I bet I even put up a moat around the perimeter that housed hundreds of alligators just in case someone thought of trying to break through.

To my surprise that didn't help! I was still broken and wounded, still felt the initial blows of rejection and abandonment, and still wanted so badly to have someone tell me that they would never fail me.

About a year later I was praying and asking God to help me through all of this, to help me start the process of forgiveness. I can remember that night so vividly because it was the night that I had my first dream that I believe was from God. In my dream there was a man walking far off in the distance, coming directly towards my tower. I was up front and center, ready to fight. All the sudden the man stopped... knelt down very calmly and put his hand in his pocket. Confused by these actions I yelled out, "Who are you, what do you want". With no reply he stood to his feet, took his hand out of his pocket and through a grenade right at my tower.

The explosion was quick, as the walls of my tower crumbled from the blast there wasn't any pain. I was expecting to hit the ground and feel the pain of my bodies impact but I didn't. I felt something warm and finally opening my eyes, realized that this man was holding me.

As my eyes adjusted I panicked, within seconds I jumped up and started to rebuild the walls. Grabbing for anything that would protect me from being exposed and vulnerable. After a few bricks had been piled back on top of each other, I felt a hand on my shoulder and a soft voice that demanded me to stop.

This voice was so clear, "You will not need these bricks anymore, let's rebuild with mine. I'll help you and teach you what it means to truly be protected."

Then I woke up!

Later that day I was reading in my bible and came across this scripture.

"Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of my Hands; your walls are continually before Me. Your builders hurry; your destroyers and devastators will depart from you. Lift up your eyes and look around; all of them gather together, they come to you. As I live," declares the Lord, "You will surely put on all of them as jewels and bind them on as a bride. For your waster and desolate places and your destroyed land-- surely now you will be too cramped for the inhabitants, and those who swallowed you will be far away.... " Isaiah 49:16-23

As I read over this passage I knew that it was time to start the process of forgiveness. To turn to the Lord and have him help me forgive those that had wounded me was my only option if I truly wanted to live. Now five years later I can testify that walking in the way of the cross is the only way to truly live. It is my prayer that you would allow the Lord to help you destroy the walls of bitterness and anger within you and that you and Him together would rebuild your foundation. That you would allow your heart to be softened by his grace and mercy, so that you may truly learn what it means to live.

Forgiveness, the Way to Freedom

Every day I get these little sections of different Henri Nouwen books. I have come to really enjoy reading what they have to say and how God uses them to stimulate different thoughts. Here is one on the journey of forgiveness.

To forgive another person from the heart is an act of liberation. We set that person free from the negative bonds that exist between us. We say, "I no longer hold your offense against you" But there is more. We also free ourselves from the burden of being the "offended one." As long as we do not forgive those who have wounded us, we carry them with us or, worse, pull them as a heavy load. The great temptation is to cling in anger to our enemies and then define ourselves as being offended and wounded by them. Forgiveness, therefore, liberates not only the other but also ourselves. It is the way to the freedom of the children of God.

As I read through this I am reminded of a few passages in Matthew that I so often glaze over;

For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions. Matthew 6:14-15

Forgiveness is one of those sticky areas of life. We can be walking along, get offended, keep walking and years later realize that we were harboring bitterness or anger towards someone or it can be completely obvious, like when you are screaming and yelling at your loved ones because they haven't taken out the trash. However, one thing I have come to know too well is that most of the time what you are truly angry about never seems to surface when you are heated and arguing, it is only when you have laid before the throne of God and asked him to reveal to you what the core issue is that true forgiveness can begin.

For example, when my sister was getting married we had one of those bridezilla moments. Now I am not sure which one of us was being the bridezilla (she would say I was) but all I know is that I got a high heel thrown at me and almost ran over, while she received words from my mouth that I am ashamed of ever saying. What was this whole thing over... well our roommate at the time would say a TV, but both her and I knew that it wasn't over a TV.

Deep down both of us knew that our relationship was going to be changing. I was struggling to allow it too and she was struggling to accept that whole two become one idea we find in scripture. The past 12 years of our lives had trained us to believe that we would always be each others #1. Sure we fought and our selfishness waged war every once in a while, but in general she was and still is the best friend, sister, wife and now mother I know. We laughed together, prayed together, mourned together, traveled together, moved together, and yes on this day we fought together.

Once our roommate pointed out that we were arguing over a TV, it dawned on me that we were both wounded women who were lashing out at each other because we couldn't put into calm collected words what we were really feeling. The pain and hurt had turned to anger because we had not allowed God's wisdom and spirit to lead us to repentance. We had forgotten God's perspective, grace, and mercy towards each other and allowed the enemy to tell us that life really was and is about us.

Now I am not saying we should allow others to walk all over us or act as if what we want and feel don't matter at all but when you look at the core of what selfishness it is being devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. As Christians we are called to live above this selfishness and to walk in a manor that is worth of the calling of Christ on our lives. Here are just a few passages that speak loudly to me when I am waging the war within me against selfishness.

Psalm 119:36
Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain.

Proverbs 18:1
An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defies all sound judgment.

Galatians 5:20
idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions

Philippians 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

James 3:14
But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth.

James 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

May the Lord use these scriptures to draw us towards a bigger, brighter picture of what it means to love Him and be his beloved sons and daughters. May we experience the true meaning of forgiveness, grace, and mercy by walking in the light and beauty that comes from truly forgiving others.

It is also my prayer that as you pursue forgiveness with others, you would also consider your role in that process. One YWAM teach once told me that if it bothers you, most of the time the problem is within you not the other person.

Brandy

Vision

Each year I pray about a word or theme that may be prevalent or help prepare me for that coming year. Last year, 2010, it was not a good word. Despair.... who wants to hear that word. My initial reaction to this was to go back to the Lord for a different word. Sadly, I did hear right. 2010 was tough... probably one of my toughest; however, as I enter into 2011 I know that the Lord used each tragedy and the low valley to prepare me for what's to come.

In Matthew 13 Jesus tells the parable of the sower. As I read through this a few days ago, it dawned on me that this past year was like Jesus pruning me and beginning the process of creating me into a beautiful landscaped masterpiece. He definitely showed me areas that I didn't trust Him and areas that I tried to hide my sin from Him. Yet, He also allowed me to have a family of believers around to help mend those wounds. So many of my brothers and sisters ministered to me over the past year and encouraged me to continue to strive towards excellence.

So for 2011 the word isn't despair but visions of what it means to be a women of excellence.

Here are just a few verses that I pray will lead me this coming year.

Ruth 3:11-

And now, my daughter, don’t be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All the people of my town know that you are a woman of noble character.

Proverbs 12:4-

A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown,

but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

Proverbs 31:10-

A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.

May the Lord help me as I desire to be transformed by the renewing of my mind so I can be a women of excellences and noble character. I pray that as you start this year, you too would ask the Lord to give you a theme or word that he may use for the year. I pray that your hearts would be open to His calling, prompting, and love. May you be able to determine what is holy, blameless, and pure before the Lord and pursue Him with all your heart, soul, and mind.

Brandy