Reflections

Over the past month I've read several great books but one particular book stands out to me, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown. 


Typically I read books centered around some sort of spiritual development or insight; however, this one was written by a women that has spent most of her professional life studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame within a university type setting and not really scriptural or theological. What first brought my attention to this book was a speaking engagement that she did for TED I stumbled across on youtube. (Check it out here if you want too http://www.brenebrown.com/welcome.) 


What makes this book so special? Well, this book helped me to realize a few things about myself and I thought I would share them with whoever actually reads this blog. Also this blog was inspired by a women's retreat I just went on focused on how we can spend our days directed towards becoming the women that God desires us to be. As an attempt to practice some of the things that I learned from the book and the retreat, I've broken the remaining parts of this blog up into 4 different sections. An introduction to the book's topic and three main areas she sees as essential to living the life that we were designed to live. I've included some of the things I underlined in the book and a reflection or prayer from that particular subject covered. 


Overview

"Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy- the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light."

I can still hear their laughs, see their stares, and feel their pointing fingers. How is it that memories from 20 years ago can still have such a grip on my emotions, thoughts, actions, and reactions? Is this pain, shame, and brokenness buried under years of self effort and a life spent trying to prove my worthiness to kids that probably have no idea how much I was effect by their actions and/or the God of this universe who seemed to be so far away when all of this was happening to me? Why is that I intellectually know that the only true acknowledgement that I need comes from my Heavenly Father and His love and kindness and yet this self effort and brokenness still rears it's ugly head within me screaming to take control of my life? 




Courage

"Courage sounds great, but we need to talk about how it requires us to let go of what other people think, and for most of us, that's scary. Compassion is something we all want, but are we willing to look at why boundary-setting and saying no is a critical component of compassion? Are we willing to say no, even if we're disappointing someone? Belonging is an essential component of Wholehearted living, but first we have to cultivate self-acceptance-- why is this such a struggle?" 

"I think we've lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we're feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage. Heroics is often about putting our life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line." 

"I've learned that playing down the exciting stuff doesn't take the pain away when it doesn't happen. It does, however, minimize the joy when it does happen. It also creates a lot of isolation. Once you've diminished the importance of something, your friends are not likely to call and say, "I'm sorry that didn't work out, I know you were excited about it." 

"Every time we choose courage, we make everyone around us a little better and the world a little braver."

Lord, give me the courage to face my own darkness and live a life that is vulnerable to you and those that you've placed in my path. Help me to be honest when I am disappointed and/or excited about something. I know this type of living will take a lifetime but I choose to start now and trust that you will lead me safely down the path of sanctification. 

Compassion

"Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity. The heart of compassion is really acceptance. The better we are at accepting ourselves and others, the more compassionate we become. It's also impossible to practice compassion from a place of resentment." 

How is that this women has captured your heart for loving others and yet those of us that sit within the church walls each Sunday can't seem to grasp what it means to truly have love and compassion for others the way that she describes? I am so grateful for your truth that brakes through to those that have hearts to understand and hear. I pray that would be able to love the way that you do, that I'd learn to think of myself the way that you do and to think of others the way that you do too. 

 Connection

Just because we're plugged in, doesn't mean we feel seen and heard.

Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we're very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. It's as if we've divided the world into "those who offer help" and "those who need help." The truth is that we are both.

Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgement to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgement to giving help.

Umm I'm not sure how she was able to put into words exactly how I feel but she did.... Lord, I pray that I'd really let these words sink in and that I'd start to see ways that I've divided the world into offering help and needing help. Brake down these walls of pride I've built up over the years and help me rebuild walls centered on your truth. 


Conclusion

To practice courage, compassion, and connection is to look at life and the people around us, and say, "I'm all in."

I'm all in! But help me to know what that looks like. Who, where, and how I'm too spend my days. I don't want to go to the left or to the right without first hearing from you. 
Romans 8:26-28

"In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it and would love to hear your thoughts. I'm even up for some coffee sometime if were ever in the same city. 


Brandy

Mulling over 1 and 2 Thessalonians

The past couple of mornings I've found myself mulling over 1 and 2 Thessalonians. These short chapters have never stood out to me before but God has a way of making His word alive and relevant at just the right moments in our lives and as we are faithful to ask God to show us Himself through the scriptures He's so faithful!


In order to give a complete picture of just how this book has spoken to me recently I'll help you get caught up on where we are on the journey of the early church. You see the believers living in Thessalonica found themselves under tremendous persecution. We can see the start of their walk with Paul's message of Jesus being their great Saviour by reading Acts 17. As Paul was on his journey he came across the town of Thessalonica, entered into the synagogue and began to preach the good news to the Jews present. Like many of the Jewish people their response was disbelief and defensiveness. We know that Paul spent at least 3 weeks amongst the people and that some of them were persuaded, believed, and joined Paul and Silas. However, Acts also points out that for those that did believe life was not easy right from the start. "But the Jews, becoming jealous and taking along some wicked men from the market place, formed a mob and set the city in an uproar; and attacking the house of Jason, they were seeking to bring them out to the people." (v. 5) 
After what must have been chaos Paul and Silas find themselves fleeing in the middle of the night to a different city which embraced and "received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so." (v. 11)


The new believers left in Thessalonica were thrown into a world waiting to see them fail and return to the workings of the Jewish law. With their faith fairly new and a lot of their world views still being centered on the things of old, it is no wonder Paul's letter were so important for them to read and I can only image how refreshing it was to know that Paul, Silas, and Timothy were cheering for them. The truths of God's endless love, gentleness, power and choosing of these men and women kept them going in a season of life that was full of persecution. Biblical scholar, Thomas Klusmeyer referenced this poem by Jane Merchant in his exegesis of 2 Thessalonians;

Full half a hundred times I’ve sobbed,
I can’t go on! I can’t go on!
And yet full half a hundred times
I’ve hushed my sobs, and gone.
My answer, if you ask me how,
May seem presumptuously odd,
But I think that what kept keeping on
When 1 Could not, was God.

Paul's words to the Thessalonians kept their minds focused on what it takes to remain faithful during the battle and how so often it's not our strength or will that can keep us going but the very strength and will of our great Father that draws us forward. I'm under the opinion that it's that same reason that these letters made it through the stages of canonization and still carry such power for today's believes. Like the Thessalonian's, believers today do not always have it easy. There are a lot of daggers being thrown at us as we strive to walk in a manner worthy of our most high King and that's exactly what the purpose of Paul's letters were about, 

"so that you would walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory." (v. 12)

So as I continue to read and mull over the letters from Paul to the Thessalonians it's my prayer that I would be able to communicate the same encouraging message Paul does to those that are tired and finding it hard to breath.


"But during our lifetime our Creator and Preserver will lead us to realize that security is not the absence of danger but the presence of God no matter what the danger." Thomas Klusmeyer. 

References

All Scripture references taken from the New American Standard Bible, updated edition

Klusmeyer, Thomas, Exegesis of II Thessalonians 1:3-12, retrieved on October 23, 2011 from http://www.wlsessays.net/files/KlusmeyerThessalonians.pdf

What Happens When I Only Have 2 Classes

I spent most of yesterday cleaning and cooking. For those that know me, this is in itself a miracle; however, it gets worse. The cleaning part wasn't just the normal shuffling of papers and doing laundry, I actually cleaned out my closet and my book shelves. In fact, after a few hours it became obvious that I could no longer easily move to another state with just 2 suitcases, like I did 5 years ago. How have I acquired so much stuff?!?!? I filed several bags full of clothes that I hated wearing but held on too just incase and (happily) a bag of clothes that now are several sizes too big. When I started in on my book collection I realized just how many books I have collected this past year. (Pretty sure I have 6 boxes of books in the storage shed in the backyard that I haven't looked at since moving in with Des and Aaron a year ago.) During small group last weekend we played 2 truths and a lie. One of my truths was that I'd spent over $750 on books bought from Amazon. After yesterday, I am convinced that is a low figure and if I don't get control of this addiction I will most likely out do myself next year. Especially since I have over 600 books on my wish list and added two more last night!

 You see I love reading, even worse than that, I love reading spiritual and personal growth books. While I've been in school these past 3 years my passion and commitment to reading has only grown by adding in business leadership and organization development books. One of the speakers in YWAM challenged us to try to read at least 2 books a month. One book in an area that you love learning about and another in an area you have no clue if you will like it or dislike. I can't say I've done this every month but I sure have tried. It's hard to fit in 2 extra books when you have 4 text books (500-700 pages) to read in 12-18 weeks 4 times a year. This is probably why I've titled this blog "What Happens When I Only Have 2 Classes." In the past 4 weeks I've read 3 books and am about to finish up my 4th. Having 2 classes (one of them math) has given me so much free time at night that I find it easy to stay up until 1 or 2 consumed by a book, much more exciting than trying to keep my eyes open as I study PMBOK theories and practices (project management stuff) or different laws that effect both non-profit and for profit business in Business Law 1 and 2.

So with all this extra time... I have read 2 books by Henri Nouwen and a book by Bill Johnson called Dreaming with God. And I am currently reading a book by Brene Brown on how to deal with my tendency to be a perfectionist. (More to come on this book in a later blog) Dreaming with God was recommended to me a few weeks back at just the right moment by a very influential person in my life. Funny how God uses others to speak directly into a situation that we seem unable to hear Him clearly on. This book has completely transformed my life and given me a passion for what my role is within the Kingdom of God. After graduating high school I thought I had the world figured out. Changing my major three billion times and being put on academic probation for the first time lead to my naive assumptions being dashed to pieces. I had no clue what I wanted to study, let a lone do with my whole life and at 20 years old I thought I had to figure it out.

So I packed my stuff and joined YWAM. After three years of learning how big the world really was and how God wanted me to spend my whole life passionately pursuing Him rather than my own selfish ambitions I decided to head back to school to get an education. Education is huge over seas, especially in middle eastern countries and having a degree can open so many doors for people trying to ministry in this area. At 23 I knew exactly what I wanted to at least study but not how I would practically use that education once achieved. I was good at coordinating and administrating events, loved planning and brainstorming, and can still see how God is using business men and women to spread His glory. Project Management seemed to encompass all of these things and going to Colorado Technical University seemed to just fall into place. Plus, when you add working for WAY-FM, where I was surrounded by men and women that constantly encouraged me and helped me to see what it meant to actually be a business women. (Although, being a receptionist may not have been fort-ay, I learned how to master setting up three way calls and conferences by only hanging up on people over and over again for 4 months. So grateful for grace!) Now after developing business skills and having three years of experiences in the business world, I still see how important it is to have men and women in this sphere of our society influencing others with God's truths.

We need accountants, marketers, IT guys, HR people, Vice-Presidents, COO's, CEO's, and board members that are willing to enter into the darkness and shine the true light. I've been so honored to work alongside the people at WAY-FM because I can honestly say I have seen their hearts to love and follow Jesus no matter what the sacrifice. Each one of them has shown me how exciting life can be when you take risks and trust God to provide and lead you. So, at 26 years old I can't say I know the plan or have figured it out, but I can tell those that are younger not to worry. God's got this. And I have begun to see the value of seeking wisdom and advice from those that have already experienced life in their 20's. We are all in this together and if we take the time to share our lives, our experiences (successes and failures), our hopes and dreams with each other I know for certain God will continue to bless us and allow us to be refined for His glory. We can't hinder truth from advancing and conquering the darkness. So as we live this life it is my prayer that each of us would trust and believe in God's wisdom, strength and ability to place specific dreams and visions on each of our hearts and that we would all relentlessly pursue Him.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen

Amazed by Grace,
Brandy