Form your purpose by asking for counsel, then carry it out using all the help you can get. Proverbs 20:18
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Career Planning
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
November Psalms
For this month I have decided to read through Psalms.
With the holiday season upon us, I am struck by the lies that we have come to believe these holiday's stand for. I am sure that as Thanksgiving and Christmas draw closer I will ramble about the true meaning of each, but for now I want to focus on just the idea of celebration.
If you look at each of these times of celebration they are all pointing to the same thing... Christ. And Christ is the true motivation to celebrate anything.
Look at what some random person online name Dale Thompson wrote about the Old Testament,
"The Old Testament was the foundation for the "Chief Cornerstone." Christ is the "Cornerstone" of the church. He is the rock of our salvation, which stands as a refuge for all who would believe and be baptized. So we need to continue to celebrate the victory of the cross and resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who shed his blood for many."
Our lives should be a celebration of the truth of Christ and that's why I love reading through Psalms. Although, it's rare for me to read through a Psalm and think, hmmm, did David sing and dance this Psalm?or even to think, what were the authors doing as they wrote these words. I want to read each one with that in mind this month.
At first glance not all of them are words of celebration but they are pointing to the true celebration. Take Psalms 15 for instance...
Psalm 15A psalm of David. 1 LORD, who may dwell in your sacred tent?
Who may live on your holy mountain?
2 The one whose walk is blameless,
who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from their heart;
3 whose tongue utters no slander,
who does no wrong to a neighbor,
and casts no slur on others;
4 who despises a vile person
but honors those who fear the LORD;
who keeps an oath even when it hurts,
and does not change their mind;
5 who lends money to the poor without interest;
who does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
Whoever does these things
will never be shaken.
These aren't specific yippeee let's celebrate words; however, they are for those that are a part of faithful and righteous. They are for those that have accepted the salvation, grace, and mercy of Christ. For those that recognize that a little baby was born in Bethlehem, that baby lived for 33 years, died for our sins and then rise again in 3 days to take his place at the right hand of the LORD Almighty. That very LORD that David is talking about in this Psalm now is approachable by the blood of Jesus Christ. What a celebration that is!
So as I read through the Psalms and reflect their meaning in my life, I pray that you too would be encouraged to celebrate. To celebrate the amazing gift we have in Christ! That it would consume you and give you a passion to write, to sing, to dance, to create something beautiful to bring glory to His name.
May the Lord bless you and hold you to His complete truth by the Spirit that dwells within each of us that have trusted and believed.
Merry Christmas!
B
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Philippians continued
Growing up I only knew perfection. Now before you start to think I have lost my mind, I must explain what I interpreted perfection to be as a child. First, the examples were bountiful, or so I thought, of men and women that had their life together, that in so many ways I idolized. Second, that is what everyone was striving for and my little mind couldn't comprehend that someone would strive for something that they could never attain. Third, I was a child!
This all came crashing down one afternoon, I was 16 years old and my dad was in the hospital for trying to commit suicide. I knew he was unhappy, but lets face it... life is hard and we have bad days, months, and even years. However, I never thought my dad would just give up. Stop striving and pushing towards this demand for perfection.....
Now if you know my testimony, you know know that I "accepted" Jesus Christ when I was 14 at a youth retreat; although, that acceptances was a little skewed by my up bringing (whose isn't). All of these schemas that I had grasped onto to survive in the world still hung around. I had learned how to live the first 14 years of my life with this expectation of perfection and when I became a Christian I honestly didn't see the difference. I knew the story of Christ but those few inches from my head to my heart truly felt more like miles.
So, when my dad was walking out of the hospital that afternoon my world view was completely flipped upside down. I can remember talking with friends and asking them for advice as I trudged through the muddy waters of all the emotions; however, I can't remember one of them stopping to ask me why I was shocked that my dad wasn't perfect, that no one was, or could be. Or maybe if they did I wasn't ready to tackle that presupposition. Either way, I avoided this topic for the next 4 years. Although these 4 years were full of pain, confusion, and frustration I count them as gain towards the process God has me on for working out my salvation with fear and trembling.
At age 20, my life was a mess, yet to most it seemed perfect. I was the fun, spunky, energetic, and super "spiritual" youth sponsor; yet one summer afternoon I found myself standing on a cliff ready to jump. What was it that was driving me to think that life was not worth living if I couldn't get it 100% right? What was it that convinced me that the appearance of perfection was more important than the assurance of salvation from Jesus Christ's death on the cross? I read about it, talked about it, and even sang about it, but never truly believed it.
I didn't jump. I ran instead. No not off the cliff... although that would be fun with a parachute...
I would like to say that I ran to the arms of my Savior, but I didn't. I ran away. I decided to move to Colorado Springs, but by the grace of God that included joining YWAM. The first few weeks were horrible, not because YWAM was horrible but because I was being forced to deal with my own perfection or lack there of. It was impossible to run away from the truth of God's marvelous plan of salvation and grace when you lived with complete strangers, and were expected to share your whole life with them. Or when you share a tiny room and bathroom with 20 other women. Or when you travel around the world with 7 women and one guy for three months. You get to see it all and they get to see it all. All my lovely personality disorders on display 24/7.
So.... why am I writing all of this before I actually get to the scripture from Philippians.
Context!
This is where I am coming from and the things I had to go through before I finally recognized what Paul talks about in Philippians 3:3-7. "For we are the circumcision, who worship God in the Spirit, rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh, though I also might have confidence in the flesh.... but what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ."
It's the battle between living under the law and living, breathing, and rejoicing in the grace of Christ and the abundance of the Spirit. "Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me."
As I continue to learn how to live in Christ's abundant grace, I pray that you will join me on this journey. That you would allow God to show you ways to grow mature in your thinking and that if in anything you think otherwise, God would reveal even this to you.
"Knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law, but by the faith of Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Jesus Christ, that we might be justified by the faith of Christ, and not by the works of the law: for by the works of the law shall no flesh be justified." (Galatians 2:16
"For by grace are you saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not the works, lest any man should boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God has before ordained that we should walk in them." (Ephesiains 2:8-10)
"Not by works of righeousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us..." (Titus 3:5)
Monday, November 01, 2010
Quotes
"If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere." Frank A. Clark
"Man has two great spiritual needs. One is forgiveness. The other is for goodness." Billy Graham
Monday, October 25, 2010
Philippians
After reading it over and over again, I read each chapter and prayerfully asked God to reveal to me themes and key passages that would help me understand Paul's heart for writing to the Philippians.
Encouragement stood out like a soar thumb....
I love how Paul uses circumstances and struggles in his own walk to relate too and encourage the believers in Philippi. He's confident in his walk with the Lord, yet reveals that he to struggles at time. (Phil 1:23-26, 3:3-11) I can't help but wonder if Paul wrote to people as a way of reminding himself of the truth that laid inside him. As I read each chapter I see a man that is full of the truth and has tons of examples of that truth being poured out and walked out in his own life and writing to people of that truth helps make it real.
I can only image Paul sitting by candle lite writing these words, "Therefore, if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others." (Phil. 2:1-4)
We don't need to read tons of books to learn what it means to be whole, or set up boundaries, or even to learn how others want to be loved. We need only to read passages like these ones and ask the Spirit to help us soak in the truth of it all. As we do this passages like this one will help us learn what it means to be whole, to have Christ's boundaries and love for others.
Application so far:
First, ask yourself.... if there is any consolation in Christ....
Second... any comfort of love...
Third,,, any fellowship of the Spirit
Fourth... any affection and mercy
Well then our response should be to joyfully striving to obtain like-mindedness, love for each other, and actively laying aside our own selfish ambitions and conceit for others benefits.
How you may ask?
Well, by esteeming others better than ourselves. Looking out for our interests more so, looking out for others interests.
Simple right?
How often do we forget the how part of this passage. We feel consolation in Christ, comfort of love, the fellowship of the Spirit, and the affection and mercy of Christ's blood shed for us, but we don't bother to go beyond that. To recognize the joyful response that Paul is calling us to seems to be the last thing on our minds. Is this, mainly because we don't recognize our own selfishness or if we do we don't care to change it or lay it down.
I have one more week in this book and could probably spend a whole lifetime learning from the truth that Paul writes to the Philippians. What a rich letter!
May God be revealing himself to you through passages like these. "And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Chirst, being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God." (Phil. 1:9-11)
Saturday, October 02, 2010
Walking In The Here After...
"We ordinarily can't know why particular individuals suffer the way they do. But in the light of God's revelation in Christ, our assumption should be that their suffering is something we should oppose in the name of God rather than accepting it as coming from God. Hence, the only relevant question disciples of Jesus should consider is, What can we do to bring God's redemptive will into the situation, to alleviate suffering and to glorify God? How can we respond in such a way that God's will is further accomplished "on earth as it is in heave"? Instead of asking, "Who sinned?" we should ask, "How can we bring glory to God in this situation?" (Jn 9:1-3)
Is God to Blame? by Gregory A. Boyd
Just 6 weeks after losing someone very dear to me and my family, I struggle internally to move forward. My life seems to be moving along just fine externally but underneath this calm, collected exterior is a very fragile human being grappling with the real questions that surface during times of great trails. Times like; when family members respond differently to grief, friends walk away when you need them most, and tasks seem to pile up on ones desk, only make my own humanity more apparent. I can't keep pretending that I am fine. I can't hold it all together for the world to see only a small portion of the true me. What about the emotions that rage within me and demand my constant attention. Nagging all day long... screaming out that life is not fine.
No, these emotions are not rooted in the death of Brian but rather the biggest paradox in all history. What is God's role in my life? I had a friend ask me if I really believed that God cared about each individual that roamed this earth, if I did how could he let all the horrible things happen to them. I can only answer that question with the truth that I get from mediating on who God is. I have come to cherish my heavenly Father not because I can answer all of life's questions but because I have come to know who he is. And as I go through this time I realize that I need to draw from that knowledge and ask the Holy Spirit to strength, deepen, and grow my knowledge of who He is. This is why for the next several weeks I am going to be going back to who Jesus Christ is and how his birth, life, death, and resurrection reveals the character and nature of the triune God.
My first quality that I want to look at is God's goodness.
Good: He is totally aware of and considerate of the needs of all His creatures. All that He does is with absolute excellence.
Scriptures:
"As far as I am concerned, God turned into good what you meant for evil. He brought me to the high position I have today so I could save the lives of many people." (Gen. 50:20 NLT)
"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!" (Matt 7:11 NASB)
"And no doubt you know that God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power. Then Jesus went around doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the Devil, for God was with him." (Acts 10:38 NIV)
"But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the Hope of eternal life." (Titus 3: 3-7 NASB)
These are just four of the multitude I found that point my thoughts to God's goodness in my life rather than the internal chaos that seems to only die down when meditating on who Christ is to me.
So... it is my prayer that as I process and start to honestly answer your question of "How am I doing?" that you will continue to pray for me. That you would pray that my heart would turn towards the Lord, that my thoughts would be transformed by the working of His Holy Spirit, and that I would be a vessel willing to be molded into the women that He knows me to be.
And in return I can only promise vulnerability; an approach that requires a piece of my heart to be exposed, but is well worth the risk.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Brian Wolfin
It's surreal. I am stuck hundreds of miles away for my family and friends that are going through this but here are my thoughts... Brian Wolfin, died August 14, 2010, leaving behind so many loved ones. When I look back over the past 20 years of knowing Brian my heart is filled with such sorrow that he is gone. It is true that time will heal the wounds but I am glad that it wont erase the memories. Memories from my childhood, adolescents, and adulthood that Brian played such a vital part.
As a child I can remember my brother Will coming home with 2 strays. A dog, whom my mother insisted we call Bugsy; and Brian, the new friend he had made in school. At the time I didn’t like either of them. Dogs were scary and boys had cooties; however, I realized that on that day Brian would not just be a kid that my brother was friends with in elementary school, he would be “adopted” into our family as a son, a grandson, and as a brother.
Over the next couple of years, I can remember him and my brother ganging up on my sister and I; throwing worms at us, locking us out, and pelting us with those super spike green balls that fell off the tree in our front yard. The four of us would rake the leaves in the front yard into one big pile and then jump into the center. Brian and Will of course would end up ruining the pile by their boyish wrestling matches, while Tiff and I began to rake the leaves into a pile again. As we moved from house to house, Brian just tagged along. Getting yelled at when he misbehaved and praised when he hit the winning ball of the little league game.
As we all continued to grow up, our fun times began to look very different. Brian and Will got too cool to play with us younger kids and they began to go to “cool” kid parties full of alcohol and drugs. I remember one of the times I tagged along, of course, I wanted to fit in so I got super drunk; on the way home Brian looked straight at me with this I’m your big brother listen to me face and said, “Brandy, you are better than this. You don’t want this kind of life.” Those words have stayed with me and will always stay with me. It was just like him to always see the potential in others. Although he was great at making others laugh and at giving advice, he was especially good at know how to love others. He knew how to see beyond the hard shells of others and would love them for who they could be rather than giving up on them.
Just a few years back I had the opportunity to visit California for a little while. Brian had taken over my bedroom, which doesn’t surprise me, he had basically been living with us for 15 years anyways, but offered to sleep on the couch while I was home. One evening he came in and wanted to hear all about the places I had been and where I was going next. We talked for hours and I handed him one of my favorite books, Is that really you God? I have no clue if he read it but it is my prayer that he did and when he did that he believed every part of it. For if he did, I know I will see him again.
Brian was a man that I will always admire. I am sad that his two children will not get the chance to be loved by him, that Sether’s (his son) will not get to have his father watch from the stands as he hits his first home run, or Sarah (his daughter) will not get the chance to be worried about what her dad will do to the boy she is bringing home for the first time. (I’m pretty sure Brian was planning on having at least three shot guns!) I am sad that we have lost our brother, our son, our grandson, and our friend. But I know that he was put here for reason and that he embraced that reason. He embraced every change he had to love and that is all that matters in this world. We all have one chance to love and Brian Wolfin embraced that chance. We will miss him.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Lead Me by Sanctus Real
Lead Me lyrics
Sanctus Real - “Lead Me”
I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...
“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”
I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...
“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”
So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?
To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up
I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
Monday, June 14, 2010
Tenth Avenue North- Healing Begins
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside
So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear
So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Tonight at the end of light
Tonight, I feel lonely
I thought I heard my heart stop beating
I long for you to hold me
I guess I feel like Eden
The twilight tried it’s best
Tonight I feel good and evil
Against my chest
Would I love you less or better
If I didn’t miss your face
Read your words like a love letter
Would I have known your grace?
I guess I feel like Eden
Aware of all I am
Tonight I feel good and evil
Against my skin
We’re all homesick
Is love the reason?
My hunger led me to your hope
Until the end of this colder season
Keep us warm
Cause we are always Eden
The day after she fell
We feel good and evil
And choose which one to tell
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Song Story
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway
God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway
This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway
God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yea - I do it anyway
You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea, sing it anyway
Yeah, yeah!
I sing
I dream
I love anyway
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The song is called "Courage" and it is by Super Chick. It stood out to me because I can remember the years that I too felt the same feelings expressed in this song. It is about a girl that struggles with an eating disorder and can't help but cry and plead out to God for the courage to continue to fight against it. For most of my senior year and freshman year of college I struggled through this. It was some of the darkest nights of my life and I can remember thinking that I would never get to a point where I wouldn't struggle.
Today my life is a testimony of a girl that has relied on God's strength to change my life. To believe that God has made me beautiful and lovely. That I am his precious daughter and he takes great delight in me took time and I often have to remind myself these truths but I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind daily.
The lyrics are below and I highly recommend listening to this song on youtube. Even if you don't struggle with this I am sure someone you know does.