Traveling On 2 Roads At Once

What to blog about seems to alludes me this morning. Not sure why, I often wonder if it is because of the vast array of subject matter available to blog about, but sometimes my screen remains blank not because of lack of topics to write about but because there is just too much to say. I want to share about how awesome our God is and the ways in which He constantly amazes me with His grace and mercy in my life and if I didn't reign it in I'd be sitting here forever. There's so many different directions that my blog could go each time I sit down to write, that to get it all out on the page seems overwhelming. Today more than ever this quote from Henri Nouwen comes to mind;

“Writing is not just jotting down ideas. Often we say: ‘I don’t know what to write. I have no thoughts worth writing down.’ But much good writing emerges from the process of writing itself. As we simply sit down in front of a sheet of paper and start to express in words what is on our minds or in our hearts, new ideas emerge, ideas that can surprise us and lead us to inner places we hardly knew were there."

It's almost like this blank screen in front of me leads me to two completely different roads, at the same time. One road being completely paralyzed by fear of having nothing worthy talking about and the other being so passionate about expressing my complete adoration and love for my Lord that I could go on forever and ever.

For one of my courses I'm reading Untamed Leadership: A Journey Through The Instincts That Shape Us by Brent Carter. One of the sections was on what prevents us from stepping into the leadership roles we were designed to fulfill. The poor chooses that we make each day and the things that we allow to overwhelm us typically are the culprits; however, we seldom recognize them for the evils that they truly are. It's my opinion that it's because we have yet to taste how good things could be if we just allowed God to lead us into our callings and dreams. We bury ourselves on purpose because we are afraid of our greatness (not in a prideful way but in such a way as to bring more glory to Christ) and honestly, this is what I do with my writing. I know that God has given me a gift to express in words just how much he deserves our complete praise and admiration, yet I often allow myself to become distracted and afraid of what others will think of my writing. If I only believed whole heartedly in the second part of the Henri Nouwen quote;

“One of the most satisfying aspects of writing is that it can open in us deep wells of hidden treasures that are beautiful for us as well as for others to see.”

There's beauty within that is screaming to get out and isn't that what this world needs. Beauty shining so bright that the darkness and ugliness of this world has to shriek back in fear. The enemy has no room to manipulate or interfere with our lives when we are walking into the beautiful callings God designed us for. May we all have the ability to recognize the instincts that are preventing us from walking into those callings and as we do may the grace of God supply everything that's needed to make us shine brighter than any possible lamp stand could.

So, if you want to be an artist, be an artist. A counselor, start counsel. A mentor, find a men-tee. A missionary, go in that direction trusting God to provide. For me, it's writing and teaching and as God has allowed me to place myself in a position to be able to whole heartedly pursue both, he's brought such clarity and peace. It hasn't been easy and I've wanted to return to Egypt at times, but as I stand on the brink of the promised land, I know the journey has been and will be worth. I wont stop fighting and moving forward in my calling until the day I die, mainly because Christ is worth it. He has proven to me over and over again that his words are faithful and true. He will supply my every need and although it doesn't seem to always be the way I imagined it to be, looking back its always been the best. It's my prayer that you too will fight the battle along this road we call life. Standing in the strength of the Lord, and seeing beyond a shadow of doubt His goodness in the midst of everything wanting to derail you.