Where I am at..

A few weeks back I had a conversation with someone that stung. Like the donkey in Shrek, my only response is that their words cut me deep. I haven't known how to handle all that they said, words that this person thought were so true and right, were not at all. They were hurtful and harsh, yet they were masked with words like, "I have been praying", "You know I am right", and "Others have noticed too." Instantly my defenses came up, which for me means silent tears. I wanted to react, tear into this person, but something stopped me. They were so wrong, yet for them it was pure truth. Nothing I said would change that. I couldn't defend myself, but it honestly was only out of selfish gain that I wanted too. What good would it have done to make them feel the same, to lay into them and make sure they felt the same pain as I did?

I politely hung up the phone and tried to go about my scheduled day. By the afternoon I was so emotionally spent that I took time off and just went home. Replaying the words that were spoken, probably misinterpreting them, making them way more harsh than they were meant to be, only made things worse. Poor Josh came over after work to a basket case of emotions and a rather pathetic attempt at dinner.

Days went by and it was still eating at me. I wanted to forgive and forget, but I also wanted to avenge myself. I picked up the phone to just let the person have it but heard a still small voice say, kill them with kindness. Not sure if that is a biblical concept, but it stopped me dead in my tracks. I had a change in thinking in that moment. No matter what I said to defend myself, somehow this person had come to this conclusion about me and I must have played into that. There must have been miscommunication between us and that is never one sided.  So like any "normal" person, I took this little nugget and twisted into something to help make me look better. If I stayed positive and put up a wall of defense, they would never know how much they hurt me. They would just be driven insane by the thought I didn't care what they thought and it made no difference.

Plan A failed... within 2 days I realized I was just making things worse and that Plan B would be even better, ignore them. Yep that was the best solution yet, if I didn't have any contact with them, they would realize how upset I was. Epic failure yet again. That plan never even took off long enough to last a day. How could I just ignore someone, that's just rude. So where am I at now? Well, I finally decided to look at scripture. Funny how that should have been my first plan, at least it made my top 3. :)

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6: 14-15)

The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him. (Daniel 9:9)

As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. (Psalm 103:13)

Okay, so forgiveness comes from my Heavenly Father as a free gift. I am forgiven which means I should forgive others. But the interesting thing is in Mark 11:25.

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. (Mark 11:25)

I was not suppose to go to this person first, but to God. I was to have a conversation with my Father about how I was struggling to forgive them and duke it out with him, not the one that offended me. Why was that? If I had gone to this plan first, I would have realized that I love this person and could never imagine life without them in. I would have gained perspective on how my sin had played a part in this and how much I should stand in awe of the fact that His blood has washed me pure as snow. With perspective I can enter into forgiveness. I can walk forward towards reconciling with this person. We both have much to learn and it is only by Christ's blood that we both can stand and mend this relationship.

I just ask now for your prayers. Please pray that I can have grace and walk in the same forgiveness as Jesus does towards me.

Depressed... listen to some music

Last week a friend asked me how long I had been depressed. Interesting enough, as I sat there like a deer caught in head lights, I began to feel tears run down my cheeks. This friend was not someone that I would have expected to pick up on what I had been so disparately trying to stuff down, now I sat on the couch completely exposed. Was it obvious, were others noticing too, how in the world did I let the cat out of the bag?  

The next day I asked my sister what her thoughts were on my friends statement, "Well Brandy, I'd say since earlier this year." WHAT! She's known all of this time, I must suck at misdirection. Definitely never going to try my hand at the poker table. I knew I was displaying all the signs of someone depressed but I had no clue that others knew as well. Ironically, as it all sunk in, I knew it was time to face this thing head on. 

On Sunday morning's I have been starting to lead worship for our church group, a gift from God that seems to haunt me at times. I am always asked to start leading worship when I am having the hardest time laying myself down at the foot of the cross. Knowing and living in the fear of wasting my talents I reluctantly say yes, and most of the time realize that God wanted to use this opportunity to finally brake through my man made barriers and slowly give me a glimpse of who he was to me in the midst of my emotional turmoil. 

The Great Reformer, Martin Luther, once was reported to have said, 

“Music is a noble gift of God, next to theology.  I would not change my little knowledge of music for a great deal.” (Conversations with Luther, p. 99, as provided in A Compend of Luther’s Theology, edited by Hugh Thomson Kerr, Jr).

What is it about music that Martin Luther embraced? I am starting to think that it is the power it has to draw us out of depression and set out face upon the only true source of healing. One of his most famous hymns is A Might Fortress is Out God, taken from the pages of Psalms 46, Luther wrote a beautiful piece of music declaring how God was to be our refuge and strength, the one we turned to for help. In fact, he wrote 35 other hymns, each declaring the Lord's majesty and our need to constantly be drawn back to Him. 

We also see the same display of music as therapy in the life of King David. Over and over again the Psalms are filled with lyrics that were sung by the Hebrew men and women. We see David pour out his heart while hiding in the caves from those that would seek to kill him. It is Psalm 139 that makes me wonder the most about how David used music to lift up his spirit during times of depression. In this psalm David declares that he wants the Lord to search him and known him. He recognizes the Lord's hand in his life and calls upon him to dispel the darkness by bringing the light. He marvels at the fact that he was fearfully and wonderfully made and reminds himself of just how much God has put into creating him. Like most Psalms, he wraps it up by laying his request before the throne of the Lord. He had developed a hatred for the men of wickedness and righteously cried out for God to make that hatred a perfect hatred, not a selfish one. 

The final two verses are worth memorizing, 

Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (23-24)

As I recall the statement from my friend and my sister's knowledge of how depressed I really have been, I remember that knowledge is half the battle. Just because I admit I am depressed I can't expect it to go away, what I can expect is that the Lord, if I am willing, will heal me, bring peace, and shine joy into the dark, dry areas. So it is with great confidence that I utter the same words that David boldly penned... Search me, O God. 

Romans 8: 26-30

In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He alsojustified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.

Brandy

1 in 5 people in a soup kitchen line is a child.

I just got finished watching a TV show that pointed out the importance of honoring our war vets. The particular honored man was found died in a park in DC from weather exposer, being homeless of course instigated these conditions and gave a perfect frame to the show's writer. The man on the park bench represented a story of a man that had fought for this country and for some unknown reason died in one of the most dishonoring ways; cold, dirty, and alone. The only family that he had was another homeless brother, who only found out about his brother 's death because another man took the time to find him and tell him. This other man also took this opportunity to attempt to honor the war vets efforts by scheduling a proper funeral service.

So what does all of this have to do with children standing in a soup kitchen line? Of course my heart went out to this man and all of the other homeless men and women out there. After watching the show I felt motivated to do something, anything to help these people. I would love to say that I was motivated to share Christ's love with them, but honestly I just can't stand the idea that people are freezing at night, because they hear from the shelters that in like Mary and Joseph, there's no more room in the inn.

My first google search was "homeless facts in America" and low and behold I came across a site that definitely made my jaw drop. There were many facts that I already was well aware of; however, three of them stood out like a sore thumb. 

1. The average age of a homeless person in the United States is nine years old.

2. Nationally, one in five people in a soup kitchen line is a child.

3. Less than 6% of the homeless are homeless by choice.

Seriously, how is it possible to be one of the most influential countries and at the same time have these facts ring true of your homeland. I originally thought I would find facts on old war vets being the average age of a homeless person, or making up the majority of the soup kitchen lines.  Not that it was a 9 yr old child, starving, uneducated, and forced to live on the streets! What is our nation coming too!!!!!!! 

Okay, I can't just sit back and let this happen, right? I should rise up and do something to change these kids lives, to change the destiny of a child by giving them food, shelter, and an opportunity to walk into their original design by God. But what?!?!? I could become a teacher? or social worker? I could volunteer at a soup kitchen? I could donate money to other non-profits? Or I could continue to rely on the government to collect tax dollars to go towards taking care of a problem that I am too lazy to fight myself, while at the same time complaining that the Obama care doesn't make since when I bet it is a direct response to this problem. 

I used to have a negative opinion of the free lunch program at schools, mostly because I more concerned about my pocket book continuing to grow slim than the mouths it was actually feeding. Now I see that I'm wrong, maybe these programs aren't started to steal my money, but instead they are someone else's attempt to solve this problem in our country. Maybe next time I open my mouth to vomit yet another one of my negative political opinions, I will do some research to see who really is benefiting from the politicians efforts; however, misguided they may seem to be, I can not for one second say I wouldn't do the same if I had some power to help these children. 

I would love to hear how you think we should approach this problem in our country. What are you doing to fight for the orphans in your neighborhood? And what do you think I should do? 

"Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world." (James 1:27) 

Brandy 

Running From Jesus

I have been a Christian for 13 years. Back in August of 2000 I can remember praying that God would come into my life and help me to live for him, regardless of my motives or naive perspective I know that day was the day that changed my life forever. It brought me face to face with who I was and what I was running from. I didn't know that the journey that I would be taken on would have ups and downs, twists and turns, and red lights at times, but I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that this God that I had been hearing about would truly supply all my needs as long as I sought first His kingdom and righteousness.

For months after I was attending Cornerstone Church of Escondido, I would also head down to the Rock in San Diego. Each Sunday night I would feel this overwhelming feeling of needing to accept all over again the same truth I had heard the week prior. Some how in the 7 days between I had decided to run again. Was it out of habit, fear, or stupidity that I found myself turned around again, needing to desperately repent? Out of desperation I walked to the front each week, for 6 weeks! It was not until one of my dearest friends said that I didn't need to go forward each week, I was not accepting Christ for the first time. Dumbfounded and a little embarrassed I stopped going up and in that moment I have often thought I lost a little bit of God's heart for mine. In the first year of my walk with Jesus I was so in love with Him. I couldn't get enough! Had I kept going forward, repenting, pleading with God to help me not to run, would I be closer to Him today. Would I still struggle with the same tendency to run and hide when I have hurt Him? What used to take 7 days could have been reduced to minutes, had I kept the discipline of repentance, but instead I find that it takes weeks or even months to allow God to truly show me the sin in certain areas of my life.

In fact, it took me about 4 weeks to finally sit down and write this blog. As I finished my work out this morning I was struck by this sense that I had to be sitting in front of the computer by 8 am to write or else. Not sure what the or else would have been and when you're dealing with the God of this universe you don't really want to find out. So here I am, waiting to hear God just lay into me. To remind me once again of how I have failed Him, neglected my relationship, not called on Him, emailed Him, facebooked Him, or texted. He tried over and over again to get a hold of me and I just ignored Him. If I sat down with Him this morning I assumed that he would remind of the same things I already felt condemned about. How could I say I have been a Christian for 13 years when there seemed to be this huge void in our relationship. Isn't that the difference between Christianity and other religions, the relationship? Shouldn't I know that and practice that? Others are watching, I need to set a good example of what it means to be a Jesus lover, right?

Wrong!!!!! As I listed off all of this things that I truly sucked at, all I heard was "Brandy I love you! Shut up." Now, whether or not God could actually use that language is another debate, worthy of a blog in the future, but for now we will just let it go. For 15 minutes all I heard was how God had not left me or abandoned me in this hell whole. I was not alone, responsible for figuring it all out, earning more money to pay off my debt, or even needing to do double workouts to get healthy. I needed to rest in my Papa's arms, let Him show off. He wanted to pay off my student loans, credit cards, and even car loan. He wanted to provide for me an amazing husband in His timing, one who would show me just how much His love for me abounded and stood the test of time. Through all of the ups and downs, twists and turns, and even red lights, His love never stopped pouring out. His reach was never too far from my running that I couldn't turn around and find Him right there.

So, as I walk on this journey of unexpectedness I ask that you who are walking alongside me challenge me. Challenge me to see God in each moment, run back to him in the dark and light hours of each day, and fall madly in love Him each minute. As you do, I am positive that God will do the same for you. He will use me to challenge you, hold you up, and remind you that there is grace for this life, joy in the morning, and a hope for the future. We are not abandoned by our true Heavenly Father, we just need to stop running from Him.

Brandy

I was going to say tomorrow

There is something strangely scary about following the voice of the Lord. Whether it is intuition or in some sort of blatant form (audible or from our circumstances), the voice of the Lord can lead you into situations that seem utterly crazy.

7 months ago I drove up to a fence of a home that I had visited 2 times before; however, this time my car was stuffed and anticipation was high. The Thiesen family had offered me a job for a few months and since my boyfriend was a part of the family business it made sense to move there instead of him moving to Colorado. What I thought would be an easy transition, turned out to be the toughest few months of my life.  Quickly getting settled down and comfortable never really happened. In fact, until this past week I would say I have lived out of my car, boxes, and plastic tubs. Sure I had a bed in two different homes, but most of my belongings were packed and stored away in my car or in the attic with Josh's stuff. At first it was okay, the plan was just to be here a few months before returning to Colorado; however, that changed after a few weeks. All the sudden that still small voice began to speak of staying longer, holding off on doing the counseling school with YWAM, and really focusing on getting out of debt.

In the midst of the first month I knew me moving to Clovis, Ca was not just because I had a job that would use my education, or even because my boyfriend just happened to be there. February and March brought challenges that I had never experienced before. In fact, this whole years has helped me discover an aspect of life that I never struggled with before. What if what we think is God speaking, doesn't happen? Or look like how we anticipated? What if what we think God means when he speaks to us, really is not what he meant at all. We heard correctly but jumped the gun.

A lot of people ask me how I know that God speaks to us and how we can tell the difference between our own voice and His. I have experienced the hard way, the importance of not just going off of whatever we "think" we hear but having a developed process that includes the art patients and discernment. A friend once told me a story of a man that thought he heard God say, "Go to Denver." So he jumped in his car and drove up from Colorado Springs. Once he got there he said, "Okay, now what?" And all he heard was, "I was going to say tomorrow."

I don't think people ask the question of whether or not God speaks. We all can agree that God is a God that is intimately involved in our lives and loves us so deeply that he does step in and direct us at times. We can also agree that we have His Word to speak through the darkness and help give solutions to our problems. Each of us has a brain and can recognize that we use it to make decisions that can be influenced by our world view, emotions, and others around us. All of these things play a part in hearing God; however, over the years I have also experienced what I like to call the still small voice. That soft voice that reminds us of which way to go, how God truly views us, and even repeats "I love you." a million times, until we finally realize those words were meant for us as a reminder because we had forgot.

So as we sit back and honestly as ourselves if God speaks, we realize he does. It's different for each of us, but the fact remains, it's scary at times to trust it. To walk in obedience when we know full well that it may not have been God at all, but instead our own desires. Some of us hear and jump, while others hear and analyze. It's not God that miscommunicates, it's us that don't allow Him to speak, have cloudy thinking, or misrepresent what he originally said to make ourselves look better or get what we want.  My prayer is that you can learn to trust His voice, develop the discipline to listen intently and completely and have the patients to wait until tomorrow if He wants you too.

Brandy

Doing 360's through life

This morning I sat down to let God know just how I felt about my life right now. After 20 minutes of ranting and rambling my thoughts slowed enough to possible hear God's. This is what I got, maybe it's something we all should hear. 

Brandy,

Life is not meant to be a rollercoaster. Our culture has succumb to this idea as a Godly approach to making it through life. I don’t want you to coast through life as if you were watching it roll by on a Disney attraction. Instead, my desire is shine through you and out of your into the beautiful scenery you engage in Get out of the coaster and live life, fully aware of my authority, my provision, and even my presence. Learn to trust my voice, my calling, and even silence as vital tools to expand my Kingdom. I am not silent because I want to frustrate you, rather it is my way of getting your attention. So often voices bombard you with what they think is “wisdom” and “counsel”, I long to give you something of truth and real substance. My prompting should be one that quenches a deep desire for direction, purpose, and fulfillment. My Wisdom and Counsel is not a cheap imitation of clarity and purpose, but is the very Light you need to survive. I am Light and as you walk with me you are walking into your calling not searching for it. I am the path that you are called to walk, to represent, and to develop. Like the wagons that traveled West on the Oregon trail, embrace your journey. As the elements, the trials, the joys, and even the deaths along the way present themselves to you don’t idly watch them roll by. By engage with each of them you are spreading Light, dispelling darkness, and finding my true joy.

1 John 1:5-7

“This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.” 

Find Rest My Soul

Over the past 4 months my life has been what most would describe as chaos. Actually, at times I would have to admit that I too have viewed it that way; however, my sustaining grace through all of the turmoil has allowed me to confidently walk each day knowing that the storm would not overpower my ship. During the darkest hours the passages in Mark have sprung off the page and brought the light that I needed to help guide me through the waves that seemed to be overtaking me. 

Mark 4:35-41 New International Version (NIV)
³⁵ That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” ³⁶ Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. ³⁷ A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped.³⁸ Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”³⁹ He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.⁴⁰ He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"⁴¹ They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him! 


First, let's look at what kind of storm is being described here. The NIV describes it as a furious squall, the New American Standard says that there arose a fierce gale of wind, and the waves were breaking over the boat so much that the boat was already filling up. Does life ever feel this? 

For me the rain started back in Dec. My mom had cancer and on my way to visit her my car broke down. What should have taken 12 hours took 23. I moved to Clovis, Ca to start the next chapter of my life, I had allowed myself to imagine what words would be written in this chapter just enough to get myself in trouble. My time here was suppose to just be until the counseling school at the Colorado Springs YWAM base started in April. In January I packed 2 masters classes into 6 weeks (bad idea). For six weeks every three days I had 2 ten page papers due. Somewhere in the midst of that I decided to put the school on hold and stick around Clovis for at least 2 years. I was able to transition into a new job and create some sort of routine; however, two weekends right off the bat were spent down in San Diego with my family as my mom went through the surgery and process of getting rid of the cancer.


Already feeling the waves getting stronger from the storm, February hit. Josh's parents were both sick with the flu, my dad was admitted to the hospital because his kidneys were having a reaction to his medications. For weeks it was nothing but sickness. I ended up with pink eye in both eyes, ear infections, and a small dose of the flu. My dad got better but had to go back to hospital to get some of his drugs regulated. All the while, Josh's mom was slowly getting better and his dad was getting worse. On February 12th we took his dad to the hospital. They sedated him and had to hook him up to a machine that pumped his blood for him. As the waters kept on rising and the waves seemed to hit the sides of my boat with such force I had no option but to cling to promises that God would calm the store. 
March didn't let up. My dad was out of the hospital only to get admitted again with the same stuff Josh's dad had. His oxygen levels were pretty low and the doctors were super concerned. What was I suppose to do, I wanted to be in both places. Supporting Josh and his mom was a priority but so was supporting my parents. How could I be in both places at once. The waves were huge and sadly I took a hit on March 8th as Josh's dad passed away. It hurt and has definitely left some damage. Two days after his dad passed away my dad got worse. My mom called and as she told me how bad things were I just cried out to God. What was I too do?!?!?!? 
Rest...
Rest, seriously. In the midst of so much the Lord is telling me to rest. 

Matthew 11:29

Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

In the midst of such heart ache and down pour Jesus is asking me to let him rain down his peace and rest. To lean into his heart and know that everything will be okay. To find rest in the midst of the storm like He did as the disciples scrambled around the boat in the storm. I have definitely had those moments of screaming out to God, "Don't you care if we drown?" Don't you see God that my spirit is about to brake and this boat you've given me can't handle any more damage from these waves?

So, I wish I could report that the storm has finally calmed and that the Lord has led me by streams of still water, but it hasn't. My dad got out of the hospital and is now back in the hospital. Josh and his family are still trying to process through all of this and with each waking minute I feel the waters crashing around me. But what I can tell you.... without the rest of the Lord I wouldn't be nearly as calm or capable to walk through this season of my life. I trust that my Lord can calm the seas when he sees fit and I will hold on for dear life until that day.

Praying that you too can find rest for your soul as you face today's storm. Don't lose heart for 
these momentary trails are producing an eternal weight of glory far beyond comparison. 

Love,


Brandy

Taking a stab at being a poet...

Remember These 

written 1/28/2013

In that moment

It all seems to much 

The balls are up, 

about to drop

My spirit cries to my soul

Find peace

Find rest

Remember these truths;

He has not lost,

He has not forgot,

He knows and sees.

When the world is too hard too face

The calmness amongst the storm enters in.

Joy, sweet joy how loving your touch

My soul knows it full well

Remember these these; 

He hears your cries. 

There is strength, power, and life

In His name

He is more than able. 

This you know. 

This you trust. 

This your Spirit cries...

Amongst the brokenhearted 

The thorns and thistles

The sorrows

There is love

Rest and peace

Remember these truths;

He has not lost,

He has not forgot,

He knows and sees.

He hears your cries. 

There is strength, power, and life

In His name

He is more than able. 

This you know. 

This you trust. 

This your Spirit cries...

You just need to remember.

Seeing with 2 eyes

Starting in December I begin to pray for a new theme for the coming year. I begin by asking God to wrap up the theme for the current year by showing me how certain events or moments throughout that year played into the theme that I felt like I had got the year before. By the beginning of December I typically have a good handle on why the theme for the year was spoken to me and can start to pray into the next year. This is the most exciting part because it seems like for three weeks different words or images stand out. People all around me have no idea that I am paying attention to every word they choose to use. If I pick up on one word standing out more often than others, I start to question whether or not that word is the theme word for the coming year. Like every year by the second week of December I was fairly certain that the word for this year is discovery.

There were several circumstances and conversations that seemed to bring me back to this word. After deciding to move to California, one of my dear friends was praying over me and prayed that this coming year would be a year of discovery for me. I was talking with my elder at church one afternoon and he mentioned that I really had no idea what I would discover about myself by moving so far away and pursuing the things God had placed on my heart. My mom then mentioned that the doctors had discovered cancer in her body. This one word was spoken to me three times in less than 3 hours. As I began to pray into it I realized that for 2013 it truly is going to be a year of discovery.

Last years word was journey and although I knew it was the right word I had no clue what the year was going to really look like. I quickly realized that what circumstance the word journey was used determined the connotation of the word. Sometimes it was exciting and brought about this sense of adventure, while other times it was pair with this long and emotionally draining thought. So it has been hard to pin point excited what the word would really mean to me each year. For this year I want to believe that the word discovery is going to be fun and only lead to super exciting moments and memories. However, as I've prayed into it more since the year began I'm fairly certain that it is going to be more about discovering who I am and what is deep within me. Even more than that it's going to be more about discovering who Christ really is to me and how much I need him. So either way it is going to be worth walking into this year with a full understanding of what it may lead too, praying that it would ultimately lead me down a path that would make me more like the Son.

Usually by this time of the year I have a grasp on the goals for the year; however, this coming weekend we will be joining Josh's parents on their annual goal setting trip. I have chosen to hold off on setting goals until after that to see how God speaks and uses that time. Prayerfully anticipating some great words. :) Praying for you as you too begin to look ahead to what 2013 will bring for you and your family. May you live each day intentionally focused on what it means to walk alongside such an amazing Father.

B

"The real voyage of discovery consists in not seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."
Marcel Proust